Tuesday, July 1, 2014

{ farrago } - yogi. mama. writer. austin, tx.

Words swim around, looping with the rhythm of breath and footfall.
It's a sky saturated in periwinkle that begs description.
It's fingertips enjoying the texture of a lover's back as they curl in.
Sensation, viral through the webbing of the mind, clattering a beautiful, chaotic melody.

tulum, mexico

The colors are always these exaggerated hues, haze has cleared and unveiled rainbows pour into my eyes.
Lowering my eyelids only serves to expand the boundary of my imagination.
Life so grand, so real, so simple, so glorious.
To rest suspended in air, the rock-a-bye-baby as majestic as the illustrations of my childhood books.
Dear soul believe, do not let slip these sentences that scroll, etch them in your heart, carve them into memories, put them down on paper.


Sunday, June 22, 2014

{ fall of spring } - yogi. dreamer. photographer. traveler. austin, tx

There was smoke, lights, cold, rain, and confusion.
Smiling did not cease and desire was not shallow.
Small beginnings and somehow all at once.
Head first with a heart surrounded by full guard.
"Impossible" she said.
"Never" she proclaimed.
Until maybe became a thought and sincerity poured on her shoulders and trickled down her spine.

tulum, mexico

There has been the gentle crunch of gravel under foot while hearts and minds raced.
Breath and movement together.
Reality lost to the welcome embrace of dreams and fantasy.
Angels held close to her chest, memories of the sweetest gift.
Tangles of limbs and jungles of fears conquered by two spirits open.
Long moments of silence are filled with burgeoning trust and adoration.
A canopy of trees, the swish of water, the goosebumps brought on by a breeze.
Life more awake or deeper into this dream.
All she had to do was be honest, be seen, and patiently wait.


Sunday, May 11, 2014

{ extend a memory } - mama. photographer. stylist. yogi. austin, tx

To prolong a memory you must recreate it again and again in your mind. A photo is the easiest and most effective way to deepen and savor a passing moment. I hope these are never lost. The loves of my life, the greatest gifts of all, the reason I try.

It can't always be serious...not in our world anyway.

go. play. love. live. hug. kiss. take a lot of photos. xo y'all.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

{ lovers and such } - yogi. mama. daughter. austin, tx

to whom it may concern,

I watched her drop her chin,
shrug her shoulders to protect her cheek from his lips.
Shudder at the touch of his hand to her back.
What joy you missed.
Self prescribed punishment.

I saw his heart fall to his belly,
rejection leaked like tears at the corner of his eyes.
So much tenderness to give and no alter to receive.
Love turned to fear.
Lessons learned only very late.

I've seen the boys strategically half naked,
the girls in their well planned garments for attention.
A precious dance they step and sway as children on the brink.
Endearment grows as lust.
They know not a difference.

I have felt a hand at my face,
pressed my skin into the pressure of a tender touch.
Fallen heart first for kindness and the lack of.
Given my all to nothing.
Lingered in sweetness of exchange.

Saturday, April 5, 2014

{ tastes like living } - yogi. photographer. austin, tx

Dive in, taste it all, fill yourself on experience.

Glass to her mouth,
her lips curl at the corners in just the right amount of wonderment.
The flavor on her tongue adds a sparkle to her eyes.
Being alive is so rich, so satisfying.

Lace across her skin,
smitten by the texture and femininity of lingerie.
Lather of shampoo and the suds running down.
Warm and freshly oiled, ready to sleep.

Music over a crowd,
her body moves to a felt beat and her heart expands beyond her physical self.
Joined to a collective energy with each note played.
Dancing into a new realm, sweet freedom.

Ink on a page,
written word or sketched artwork she pours herself out on blank canvas.
Her wounds heal and her creativity thrives.
Giving time to her gifts, purpose fulfilled.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

{ showers + revelations } - yogi, witness, austin, tx.

Dancing on the intersection of arrogance and wisdom.
Strong, both in will and body.
Bruises only serve as fuel to do more.
Skin so tender, heart so fragile, hardly real.
What anomaly is this?

Open the door, shower under the bamboo faucet.
The words and music wash over this stone exterior.
So many miles away and always so close.
No reason, no understanding, only passion.
Why such an enigma?

Some worthy opponent in this trial of life.
Bring to the surface the potency.
Fighting only as a facade for the deepest love.
Pushed to a wall, pinned down, unable to restrain.
A mysterious bird will fly.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

{ silly in ernest } - yogi. photographer. swooner. austin, tx

I can be a heavy writer, a strong romantic, and completely stubborn. I reflect on the wise words of Ernest Hemingway (which I could linger on forever...and might)

“Write hard and clear about what hurts. ”

Dark writing y'all, I do this a lot. Maybe that's why I love Ernest Hemingway so passionately. There is an abundance of beauty to write about from the bright places and the absolutely ridiculous nature that lives in me. I'm going to work to express those things which make me laugh until I shake, smile until my cheeks hurt, and shudder in embarrassment (yeah that last one doesn't really happen anymore...). To write in celebration of not taking myself so seriously anymore. Life is too short you guys. So much to feel and I want to go to the deep dark waters of pain and heartache, and I want to splash in the shallow bubbly tides of humor and sublime pleasure as well.

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."

Mr. Hemingway, brilliant man. Bleed out entirely from the most terrifying to the most imaginative and delightful, that's my desire.

“In order to write about life first you must live it.”

“My aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way.”

“The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”

*All above quotations - Ernest Hemingway. I'd marry him.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

{ smelling memories } - yogi. photographer. mama. dreamer. austin, tx

It started last week with the scent of a soy candle...

Nose to the wax, my face in your neck.
Your stubble on my skin, another night we sleep.
Lost so quickly, naive, and it's gone.
A candle to the right, standing by a La-Z-Boy.
Always his partner, always his fan.
Hugs, tobacco, and giant cowboy boots.

Face against my mat, 17 summers long ago.
Inner tube over my shoulder, trek down to the river.
From birth, to experiment, and to motherhood.
Wind with green, leaves so bright and fragrant.
We walked by day, haunted cabins and cemeteries.
Water to anoint, snakes and all.

What a miracle is this mind, that I can take in a scent and be transported to the cinema hosting my memories. The feelings and nuances so real, so tangible. Life in full force, abundant with experiences. I revel in how fortunate I have been to wake up to sensation, to know what the texture of my own skin can excite within me, to find the drip of sweat splashing to my yoga mat a reason to push forward, to look to the sky as I run and realize the earth holds me and propels me to move and love.

Moments in life where everything is alive and I am slow and conscious to see, taste, feel, breathe, smell, and completely fall intoxicated by the potion of pure experience. Lavender bath salt trickling from my hand into a warm bath, smearing a soothing balm across my lips, sunshine warming me and tinting my olive skin brown, this is living. Sidewalk shopping with good friends, the breeze on a bench while we talk and lift each other to higher spirits, lingerie of softest lace, lotion that smells of spice and cologne, sunglasses of golden age glamour, juice with ginger and pineapple, days filled with smiles.

As it turns out, one of my mom's favorite things to say to me (and what I hated hearing) is becoming entirely true for me... "it takes a boring person to be bored." - CTR
Mom, you're kind of right, I only feel bored when I am in a boring state in my own headspace, when I open my eyes and find my positive highest self, I find pleasure in the most unexpected places.

Thursday, January 30, 2014

{ never a time } - yogi. photographer. survivor. austin, tx

I'm going to share a little bit of my story. Warning, it's not all pretty (actually none of it is pretty).

It was May 15th, 2009. At 6am I entered the hospital not knowing what to expect. My dear surgeon had tried to prepare me for how extreme it would be, but how can you prepare someone with no experience to compare it to? I had never been given anesthesia prior to my spinal fusion surgery. There was never a time I went unconscious to be cut apart and have my whole back body rearranged.

I lay on the gurney with a shower cap and a tiny blanket, I was freezing and scared, but not scared enough. Then it all went dark.

It was dark almost forever. When I woke up, it was a full day and one half day later. I couldn't move, it hurt to be alive. Everything inside me was screaming and yet nothing had a voice. After that there was little sleep. When I could rest my eyes my tired mind gave way to nightmares. Terrifying truckers, poison, rape, filth, mortality... it was worse than the pain in my body. This lasted for so long, it felt like a year, in reality I think it was about one full day before I was given painkiller to help me sleep.

Time to walk again. The physical therapist sat me up, a rush of searing agony to my head, vomit, lights out. No possible way to sit up without wanting to die again. It took a few days, tests, doctors coming to give a guess, and finally an MRI to learn of the brain fluid leak. Horizontal with an IV of caffeine, my punishment...I mean prescription. A few more days stuck in this pale yellow hell room in Houston.

I cried about everything, a bratty patient to say the least. I wanted a bath, I wanted my phone, I wanted to leave most of all. I had one friend who was faithfully visiting and my devoted mom by my bed. I owe them both an apology I'm certain for what probably fell out of my mouth while I whined and pitied myself. Sorry Mom, sorry Jason.

It was on day 6 that I walked a full circle around the ward, that was my test I had to pass for release. A small step to the outside world, but to this day one of the most difficult things I have ever faced.

The car ride home was torture, seat all the way back and clutching my body pillow for dear life (I freaking love that pillow). I landed in my parents bed, exhausted, stiff, swollen, and helpless. Some of the details blur, my girls came in, I begged my sister to braid my hair, I was frustrated with how constricted I felt, sleep was all I could do to pretend I hadn't ruined my life. I know there were a lot of silent tears, so much fear that I would never pick up my babies or play around again, that I would be forever tied to a post like a witch about to burn.

Two months later... I drove home to Austin to begin life again.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

{ sukha mukha } - yogi. photographer. austin, tx

Sukha; pleasant. It is a sanskrit word I have been mulling the last few days. With breath I bring this gentle, soft, happy quality into any place I locate the need. Replacing all dukha (suffering; misery) with joy. Challenges arise to teach me to appreciate the good, to witness my strength, and to grow up. As I assume this seat and watch the story of life in my head, I am grateful for so much. The beauty always outweighs the beastly. The transformational journey is exquisite, I look forward, but I will always cherish my memories that have brought me here, for truly they inspire me on to more.

Lie on your side and draw from the Mother endearing glances.
She strokes your hair, gently tucks each strand behind your ear.
Listen as she leans in close to whisper of your beauty and grace.
All her love pours down through word and settles into your heart as golden light.
Be held, allow embrace,
close your eyes and feel your skin prickle with magic.

Some days it's good to simply breathe, lay still and listen to my mind. Below all the chatter of my thoughts is the field of emotion, underneath that layer I find truth. Luminous and wonderful, sparkling reality of love, our universal connection. Stay the course my friends, feel the feelings, and breathe in the freedom.