Monday, April 6, 2020

{ stepping out, stepping around } - yogi. mover. writer. mama. austin, tx

A couple of years ago I got certified in a new style of yoga and although I haven't done much in the realm of teaching this style yoga, it has broadened my personal practice and piqued my interest in new methods of movement and strength building. This was especially true when I broke my foot in 2018, it was the only way I could manage to get my heart rate up and get sweaty. Over the last year, I've been exploring new ways to move and how to incorporate this into my regular yoga-heavy lifestyle.

Join me for my first ever venture into teaching some of the HIIT-inspired ways that I move. Zoom link HERE.
Meeting ID: 297-609-902

This is a donation-based class as I will continue to offer, please don't let cost be a deterrent. You can find my PayPal link on the righ-hand side of the screen (if you're on a mobile device, you will need to switch to browser view). Thank you so much for being generous and for coming to connect, I miss your faces!

The playlist I've created for this class can be found HERE, or crank up your favorite booty-shaking music.

See you on your mat, ready to sweat, laugh, and move around.

keeping on

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Tuesday, March 31, 2020

{ we move together } - yogi. writer. mama. austin, tx

And the distance between them was breached by their combined efforts, outstretched souls that resisted separation.

Come together Wednesday, 4pm CST for some yoga and connection, we move bodies, minds, breath, souls.

Zoom LINK
Meeting ID: 765 950 043
Optional Playlist found HERE, but any of my playlists that end in 1-hr can be used for this 60-minute class.

You can donate using the PayPal link on the righthand side of this blog (those on mobile devices will need to switch to browser view to access the link) or send me a message for more info. Thank you for your help, it's greatly appreciated.

Be well.

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Wednesday, March 25, 2020

{ r e l i e f } - yogi. mama. writer. survivor. austin, tx

I woke up in the night, or maybe morning, it was dark.
The flames in my chest were emboldened by nausea in my belly.
"Am I choking? I'm fine. Breathe, keeping breathing."
Sleep was for others, it was neglecting me, leaving me in my pain.

{ holed up and full of peace }


It's been years since my last panic attack. Each time this happens I go down the shame spiral, berating myself because I have the tools to deal with stress, it's my lifestyle, my job for goodness sake. Fear, and its effects do not discriminate. Sometimes it takes time and multiple applications of soothing remedies to reach the other side. But do not be hard on yourself if you find relief on a Sunday and you wake up Monday with anxiety-fueled heartburn. You are not alone, you are in the company of wellness coaches, therapists, healers, yogis, business professionals, stay-at-home parents, and more.

The unknown is a very scary thing. Even when our minds are anchored in truth, our bodies can reverberate deep primal patterning based on survival. When we don't know what is happening and what to expect, our mantras can bring peace of mind and it may take a little while for that to seep in through our many layers, to our core and soothe the etched groves of our soul story.

Over the last two weeks, I've experienced waves of emotion and debated whether to act, sit, write, share, teach, sleep, read, play, hide, the list is unending. I knew in my spirit that it is time to be still and ground. To the best of my ability, I have put aside my action-based responses and sat in the uncertainty while I let myself reconnect to my highest wisdom. Creativity and purpose cannot be rushed, they come in the quiet, in the un-forced moments of pure inspiration. So I chose to slow down. I've shared a couple of on-line classes and I will be sharing more, but my goal in this unique time is to flourish in new ways, in ways that bring serenity to my whole being, not simply mind, but body and spirit as well.

I fight the detrimental story within of "who am I to...?" Who I am is who you are too. We are all in this crazy quarantine, watching our income wither. We are parents trying to protect our children. We are children worried about our parents. We are survivors with stories to share that can help others. We are healers holding the world in our hearts. By collectively sharing, we will overcome many great obstacles.

While I continue to curate my online presence, I would like to share a few helpful practices with you that have given me relief and I welcome your comments and conversation.

Breathe
I will always recommend breath first and foremost. Even if every breath feels ragged and torturous, keep counting your breath in and out.
Simple 4-count breath practice:
Inhale 1. 2. 3. 4.
Pause 4. 3. 2. 1.
Exhale 1. 2. 3. 4.
Pause 4. 3. 2. 1.
repeat until your breath is smooth like liquid velvet through your sinuses and throat.
*Using essential oils in the palms of your hands on the inhalation is highly effective, various oils for your varying emotions.

Slow Down
Our bodies are strong, but also tender. We've been going at a pace that requires so much for so long. Take this time at home as a healing moment. Slowing down does not mean you're stagnant, it means you're creating space for yourself to move seamlessly, enjoying the un-hurried transitions of your day from one project to the next. Slowing down allows you to be open fully to a fresh light and to new ideas. Settle down and feel more intuitively what your body is asking for, then give yourself permission to fully indulge in what you need.

Be Transparent
There is nothing valuable or healthy to be gained by holding in our fear and anxiety. Share what you're going through with someone that you trust, someone who can hold you in grace. If you don't have someone who you feel can embrace you in the way you need to feel open, admit your fears aloud to yourself, really say them. Let your biggest worries come out of your mouth, listen to them and the vibration of each word as you speak. Feel the clearing of your throat and chest as these trepidations are acknowledged. Their grip will loosen as you give them a name and allow them to be heard and you will find compassion for yourself. As I've said above, you can also share with me, I would love to surround you with light and support.

Administer Self Care
One of my favorite methods of self-care is being luxurious. Taking a longer shower than usual or a bath with Epsom salt. Emerging from this cleansing ritual and anointing my entire body with oil. Putting on the softest pieces of clothing that I own. Spraying myself a couple of times with my favorite perfume or dabbing my pulse points with calming essential oils. Combing through my hair until every tangle is gone and my scalp feels massaged. What makes you feel pampered? Now is the time to be very nourishing to yourself as you've never been able to before.

Joyful Movement
I've struggled for years with eating disorders and self-loathing, taking my hatred out on my own body. When our emotions are turbulent rivers and there are many things we cannot control, there is a massive temptation to push ourselves, to sweat out the rage, etc. Let me be very clear, I highly recommend sweating, I crave it. However, it must be born from a place of self-love and gratitude for all our bodies can do. If you feel yourself slipping into a mindset of "I have to get in a workout," pause, breathe and consider the ways you can move and generate sweat that will also feel joyful and feed your soul. Dance is a great one, yoga, a good run, there are so many options. Start with your goal to feel good, to smile, to appreciate your able muscles, and your healthy heart, and then move like nobody is watching but your divine, highest self.

Seek Purpose
I believe that this global shutdown has presented us with a time to obtain clarity. Starting on a personal level, beginning within. We have an unusual opportunity to halt and listen and get very clear on what our next steps are. What do you want to create in your life? Beyond organizing your home (which is a great active meditation and cultivates a chaos-free setting as you welcome new vision), what ignites your soul fire? The world around us will approach life differently when we emerge from our homes and we get to choose how we will come out of this as individuals. Journal, free-write, pray, open your heart wide to the knowledge of your place in the landscape of humanity. We need your gifts, your passion, your purpose.

Stay in, be well.

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Monday, March 23, 2020

{ changes } - yogi. writer. mama. austin, tx

Thank you for your patience while I let my soul get settled. As I continue to navigate my next steps, I will be sharing online classes with you. To get things rolling, I invite you to join me Tuesday at 2pm CST HERE, meeting ID: 733-894-339

Yoga is my lifestyle, but it's also my profession. I ask that you pay for your class what you can. I realize that we are all in very uncertain times and appreciate you making any contribution that you feel comfortable with. You can click on the PayPal link on the righthand side of the screen. If you're on your mobile app, please scroll to the bottom and click "view in browser."

I've created a playlist for this class which can be found HERE. Friends, please feel free to use any of my playlists that you prefer, if they end in "1 hr" then they are going to work with this 60-minute power flow.

See you on your mat.

prasarita padottanasana - wide leg forward bend

Saturday, March 21, 2020

{ content + connection } - yogi. writer. mama. photographer. austin tx

Firstly, thank you for taking the time to be here and to read this post. It's a wild time in the world and I am grateful that we have the means to stay connected, to support one another, and lean into this strange caged situation.

I've spent the last few days considering the best way to contribute and to survive. I miss my public classes immensely right now and I'm sure you are also feeling the void of un-rolling your mat alongside your yoga family. My studio is offering online classes and I hope to lead more in the days (weeks) to come.

What I've realized in this forced time off is something that was already bubbling to the surface for me, I'm ready to explore more than public yoga classes. I'm ready to peel some layers of comfort back and share things I've yet to share. I crave connection beyond what I've already experienced. Something within says that it's time to jump.

More than anything, I would love to hear from you. I'd love to know what you're craving, what would feel nourishing to you in this interesting self-contained time we face.

I will be sharing classes online, I'm currently looking at different resources and outlets for offering these. I have taken time with this because I want to move from my heart and I want to provide the best fit for your schedule, desires, devices, and energy. My heart is also being called to interact with you, not just give you a workout (but we will sweat and burn some quarantine calories!).

You can reach out to me via the comments below, IG @ameliasfb, or email me directly from this blog. We are here together, no matter the miles or walls that are between us.

Be well.

texas plays havana

Monday, May 20, 2019

{ mama ocean } - photographer. writer. child. mother. lover. yogi. austin, tx

I walked down the stairs, coffee in hand, I heard her calling me.
"Why have you been gone so long? Why is your spirit so far away?"
Step by step I moved toward her, I let my feet rest in her familiar sands.
I stepped slowly on her rocks and felt their strength.
At her edge, I let myself sink into her bed, water circling my ankles before it was pulled back into her belly.
"Child, we are one, come remember," she said to me.
Deeper I went until I was fully held by her embrace.
This is where I learned, this is where I grew, past the heartbreak and insecurity.
She is my sanctuary, my teacher, my soul.
I watch her vicissitudes and see the spiral patterns, seemingly erratic, but overtly feminine.
She is old and wise, and forever new, fresh, youth and beauty.
Her mystery must be respected and her gifts are widely enjoyed.
I've come to her, come home, within moments her lessons fortify within my bones.
We are, I am, all is well.

even the tough angles

Wednesday, January 23, 2019

{ maternal light } - mama. writer. photographer. yogi. lover. austin, tx

I walked away and closed my eyes. the thought of you is light coming up from my heart into my eyelids. my eyebrows lift and my shoulders drop.
I'd like to keep you in my arms, keep you close, and rock you to sleep.
earth angel always.
to me, you're pure sweetness.
when things hurt you, they hurt me.
the moment your smile slips away, I fear I can't bring it back.
this is a challenge of loving so deeply.
far outweighed by the light of seeing you throw your head back and laugh.
watching you experience life and all its new treasure.
you are beautiful, kind, tender, and hilarious.
stay vibrant.
be true.
spread your wings, love.

real real

badassery

stay tuned

stay tuned

garage gang

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Friday, November 9, 2018

{golden notebook} - mama. writer. photographer. yogi. seeker. austin, tx

Life isn't always black and white. in my experience, I've witnessed a lot of greys. That place in between, where every question has two or more answers and my gut can't decide between fear of the known pain or unknown future.

When I decided to begin writing my memoir I had no idea how challenging it would be to recall the past and put it into words. As I've endeavored to embark on this writing journey, I halt daily. What is relevant and what needs to be shared? For a very private person who wants to be completely open, this is quite a challenge. Every night when I tell myself to sleep I am filled with the words of my story, but when I sit down to write them in my book, they evade me. I began my memoir in a journal, it is gold and simple. When my girls learned about this book, they would ask to be read stories from the golden notebook. Like me, they long to know their mother at an earlier stage in life. For them, I am trying hard to continue the writing. I struggle.
My voice.
My outline.
My time.

I recently had the privilege to meet my absolute favorite band of all time, The National. I received advice from a band member that has haunted me for weeks. He said, "you must finish this book."

I must finish.

I must keep going if I am ever going to finish.

If you're reading this now, feel free to hassle me, ask me how much I've written. Hold me accountable. Because my girls deserve as much as I can muster.

dark//light

Wednesday, September 12, 2018

{ f(re)emale } - writer. yogi. mama. photographer. lover. austin, tx

You can't shame me with your insecurity, I've grown too happy to be torn down.
When I begin to question, I come back to my mat, to my body, to my breath, to my light.
Finally, when I look at myself, I don't see your shadows on my skin.
Absence now feels like space, let me twirl, cartwheel, and fling myself into possibility.

Loving feels so good.
I have untrammelled energy for the many people I encounter.
The pain and self-doubt that once weighed me down was so clearly my bruised ego having a fit.
Now I can say "take a seat" to the voices and stories in my head when they start to pipe up.
A river of breath and love continue to wash the murkiness of my past.
My soul shine is evolving.

I don't care what you think of me, I care about what you feel.
Compassion I wear like an immaculate dress, even as I stand naked in front of the mirror.
Life is a spectacular revelation.
Each day new, with the potential to throw open the windows and demolish the masonry I so carefully constructed around my heart.

Freedom, today, feels like being a woman.


rugged love


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Tuesday, September 4, 2018

{ slip slip } - writer. lover. mama. yogi. photographer. austin, tx

You went quietly into a place I couldn't reach. I saw it without my eyes and felt it without my hands.
Still, your body stayed and you spoke, but it wasn't you anymore.
Were you stolen or was it by choice?
Either way, the sunshine was gone and you were unrecognizable.

Were you hoping I could help you come back or did it feel good to be gone?
My days felt heavy, confusing, and like the ground was tilting underneath me.
I wasn't ready, I didn't see it coming and I had no plan of escape.

My shoulders wanted the end-of-a-long-day embrace I could count on.
My head wanted the firm flesh scented pillow of your bicep.
My mouth wanted the sweetness of your lips and saltiness of your skin.
I gave you my secrets, told you my scars, and you scratched them open and left me to bleed.
I asked for tenderness and it turned out to be too much to request.

Once I dated someone who believed "time heals every wound."
I don't know everything, but I don't believe that time is the healer.
Passing days, months, years even, have not eased certain aches from my heart.
Love is the mother, the father, the divine.
I can sit in this place is discord and nothing makes sense, except for love.


over it

Love the hard places until they become soft.
Love the ugliness until it shines beautifully.
Love the broken heart in your chest and knots in your belly until you can take a breath, and then another.
Love the days you have here and draw them out for a long, long time.

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