Thursday, October 6, 2011

{ slightly humble pie } ~ austin area photographer

Surprisingly I received many comments via email or random friends I ran into saying that they really enjoyed the post a while back about my thoughts regarding the (my weird) world of dating. Even as recently as last night I had someone tell me that they agreed with much of what I had to say and appreciated my candor in sharing. It's that same honesty that prompts me to post tonight.

I actually went on a date and I didn't want to kill myself during or after. The date was impromptu which was good because I didn't have time to freak out and wish I could cancel, it was light and conversation was natural because the guy knew ahead of time what sort of words fall out of my mouth. Drinks moved to dinner and a few hours of conversation and a parting hug, so my little theory about dinner and drinks still firmly stands in my mind but now I have to concede that there are exceptions to every rule. ;)

Today I shared this experience with someone who I've whined to about love and dating, we began to investigate our own reaction to these random good dates and how we make absolutely sure that we ruin the potential from the get go.

I can't speak for him as to why he might find himself wrecking things before they blossom, but I can safely say that I make mistakes to save the nice people I meet from possible harm. I know fairly quickly if I want to continue to see someone and even when I think I would like to spend more time with someone, I make all the wrong moves because I want to filter out all the men who might get scared when they truly know me. It's ridiculous this behavior I have adopted, I just am a big mess and laugh at myself about it all the time, when I type it here it's making me embarrassed at how selfish this pattern of my life has become. Living in a bubble and having to be seen and heard a certain way for such a long time has scared me away from conformity, however I'm starting to think maybe I have walled myself off so much that I might be pushing away someone who could sweep me off my feet.

I told my friend through our text exchange today that men are lucky, they can sabotage something or mess up over and over and girls often just want to stick with someone because they fear being alone. They would rather settle for something so-so than to be single and wait for that someone who sends them over the moon. He concurred that lots of us girls are freaking out about the marriage time clock. I feel so fortunate that I have don't have these time constraints making me panic or desperate. Although I have been called a loner for having this mentality, I really do want a relationship eventually, I just want it to be fun, nurturing, passionate, exciting, playful, easygoing, silly, sexy, and more. I realize that this is a tall order, but I genuinely believe great things are worth waiting for.

So following the advice of a wise (actually professional) friend, I am willing to let myself feel attraction, to stop being so quick to write men off, and allow myself be a little spoiled. Just because I haven't been wooed entirely does not mean I am broken, it just means I am a challenge and like a worthy opponent.


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