{ therapeutic life } ~ austin area photographer

It has been a week, a blissful, challenging, strengthening, fantastic, week of having some time off during the day. I have practiced yoga each day and tried various studios and teachers. I have been able to make time to meet with friends for yoga, a run, or just a drink. I went to Avery's school play and got to see my parents and grandmother. Life is beautiful. The change has been soothing to my soul and I feel renewed each day with some new element of life to enjoy that I previously have not had time for.

Today I met my friend who I feel is my yoga guru and we had a 7 am yoga session in this awesome little flamenco dance studio and then enjoyed coffee and a great hour plus of conversation and gentle fall breeze. We talked about the things that happen in our lives to make us who we are and bring us to the places where we now find ourselves. I was impacted deeply in my thoughts and all day have been going back to various times in my life and memories that stand out as having shaped who I am and what I feel is important to pass along to my own girls. Honestly I recognize that I would not be the person I am today if I had not gone through all that I have in my 29 years on this earth. Though the last few have brought many tears, obstacles, growth, and adjustment, there isn't anything that has been wasted, I can find something to appreciate from every experience.

When I left my guru and headed home, I changed my mind and went out to begin a task I have been considering for some time now, putting up a bookshelf above my little bench in my den. I know this sound frivolous and not that exciting, but I could have gone home to nap (since I had only nabbed 3 hours of snooze time last night). I feel like it's these break-from-the=norm moments that make a good day great. Determined, I gathered the tools and shelves and began to work. By 1 PM I had accomplished my mission and have unloaded much clutter from my cabinets, dresser, bedside table, and any flat surface where I could lay one of my cherished books. It felt so good to move forward with something so domestic so I continued on with some more cleaning and then hours of reading and studying before going to get my babies from school. Yes, this is certainly the way my life should be going, the direction feels natural and every day ahead bright.

{ paradigm interrupted } ~ austin area photographer

The thought landed in my mind much earlier this month, the solid and unavoidable truth of the answer crashing in right behind.

"If I were to lose my job today, what have I been building?"

I think a few of you actually have tried to make plans with me or arrange times to speak on the phone and the answer has always been the same "Oh I can't, I'm working." I am a hard worker, I don't really know how to give things less than my all when I am committed. Never before had I realized though that the all I have been giving is earning me only a meager paycheck, nothing of lasting value. Yes, money is required to take care of my girls and essential to living a comfortable life. However, my girls are growing up fast and my lifestyle is still a struggle financially at times, so why pour myself into this large company and have no time for the loves of my life?.... I could only reel in shock of what I was facing. There has to be more, where I spend my time has to mean more, it has to make some kind of lasting impact or I just can't rationalize being away from my girls and people I care about so often.

Planning went into motion and I began to meditate and consider what truly matters and what I would see as a valuable route for my time spent away as well as earning money to support my girls. My answer is much longer than any blog post I've ever composed, I want to do everything and anything that matters, I want to share my life and the things I have learned, and I want to become a student, a sponge, continuing to broaden my mind and experiences. I want to live.

As you all might be wondering what rash things I have done or gripping your chairs with anxiety over my seemingly silly free spirit, fear not, I have work and I am able to earn money to support my babies and pursue the field(s) I truly desire. Because of how much I was working, my doula studies have taken a back seat, that will no longer be the case, I am going to finish that and begin taking clients as soon as possible. Also in the spring I am going to train as a yoga instructor so that I might also incorporate yoga in my doula packages and perhaps private lessons and classes for non pre-natal clients. Already I have been practicing yoga daily and focusing myself on diet and wellness, I feel amazing and like the light in my life has been switched back to "On."

Look forward to more pictures and writing as I will actually have time now to invest in my writing and photography again!! Love you all and appreciate those of you who I have spilled this to previously who help me see my strength and opportunities.