{ paradigm interrupted } ~ austin area photographer

The thought landed in my mind much earlier this month, the solid and unavoidable truth of the answer crashing in right behind.

"If I were to lose my job today, what have I been building?"

I think a few of you actually have tried to make plans with me or arrange times to speak on the phone and the answer has always been the same "Oh I can't, I'm working." I am a hard worker, I don't really know how to give things less than my all when I am committed. Never before had I realized though that the all I have been giving is earning me only a meager paycheck, nothing of lasting value. Yes, money is required to take care of my girls and essential to living a comfortable life. However, my girls are growing up fast and my lifestyle is still a struggle financially at times, so why pour myself into this large company and have no time for the loves of my life?.... I could only reel in shock of what I was facing. There has to be more, where I spend my time has to mean more, it has to make some kind of lasting impact or I just can't rationalize being away from my girls and people I care about so often.

Planning went into motion and I began to meditate and consider what truly matters and what I would see as a valuable route for my time spent away as well as earning money to support my girls. My answer is much longer than any blog post I've ever composed, I want to do everything and anything that matters, I want to share my life and the things I have learned, and I want to become a student, a sponge, continuing to broaden my mind and experiences. I want to live.

As you all might be wondering what rash things I have done or gripping your chairs with anxiety over my seemingly silly free spirit, fear not, I have work and I am able to earn money to support my babies and pursue the field(s) I truly desire. Because of how much I was working, my doula studies have taken a back seat, that will no longer be the case, I am going to finish that and begin taking clients as soon as possible. Also in the spring I am going to train as a yoga instructor so that I might also incorporate yoga in my doula packages and perhaps private lessons and classes for non pre-natal clients. Already I have been practicing yoga daily and focusing myself on diet and wellness, I feel amazing and like the light in my life has been switched back to "On."

Look forward to more pictures and writing as I will actually have time now to invest in my writing and photography again!! Love you all and appreciate those of you who I have spilled this to previously who help me see my strength and opportunities.