{ you wish } - yogi. photographer. mama. austin, tx.

Oh princess, just breathe.
Stop your frantic worry and settle down.
There will be days that are much worse, followed by bliss beyond your wildest dreams.
Don't fret the imaginary.
Your body is a whirlwind of change right now, stand in the center of your current storm,
let the winds smooth your rough edges.
You're being refined.
If you allow it, this will all make you more beautiful.

Babydoll, relax.
Your fears are far worse than reality.
It won't be easy, these times are the most challenging.
Each day you grow closer to relief, age is freedom.
Be still in your mind.
I'm not so far removed that I have forgotten, you live in a scary place,
one that you will learn from.
Your forever is wide open.
The future holds great promise, tremendous love at your fingertips.

Sunshine, wait patiently.
Close your ears to the voices that bring fright.
Begin to explore yourself, learn to love who you are enough to share with others.
Release your thorny defense.
Welcome the beauty of grace to your life, inhale a quiet confidence,
become the leader your life requires.
They need you strong.
I pray this for you, I believe this of you.

{ untamed } yogi. photographer. austin, tx

I found myself relishing memories of my childhood again this weekend. How could I not write about all these absurd and wonderful moments of my past?



Have you ever waited by the side of the road for cars to drive by and splash dirty gutter water on you like a tidal wave?
Would you be pissed if your neighbor scolded you for climbing on your dad's Dodge Ram to dance on the top?
Was there a time your mom drove up to find you climbing out of the window above a sink to escape an evil baby-sitter?
Yeah, me too.

Did you bury time capsules all over your grandparent's yard?
Were you afraid of who would be elected president?
Do you ever catch the scent of a memory?
I do that too.

Can you still remember the awkward first kiss after he chased you around with a bloody deer head?
Was it annoying when you had to wait for the party-line to free up so you could make a phone call?
When it's quiet at night, do you ever miss the voices of your 3 older sisters telling you to "shut up!" so they can sleep?
I relate so well.




It's funny what stays with you and what resurfaces when you allow yourself to be lulled by the current of nostalgia and memory. I did not think I would have such a deep well of recollection, but I have this incredibly expansive list of stories, flashbacks, and eccentricities that I treasure. Of course some of it is messed up and I have had to work through it to find the place of gratitude, as I have I'm fascinated by how much I love my history. Even the weird.

{ close } - yogi. photographer. austin, tx

Patience.
You're on the precipice.
Step over, fall.
You are so close, the wind is rising.
Open your wings, shut your eyes.
Exhale.
Tremble.

Believe.
Know that you can.
Trust your senses, feel your way.
Soak in this moment, welcome the next.
Inhale.
Consume.

Savor.
Life is worth tasting.
Open your mouth, fill.
Partake in the bounty, bliss on your shoulders.
Twirl and spiral, be dizzy with love.
Breathe.
Continue.

{ who we are } - yogi. photographer. blacksheep. austin, tx.

Yes, it's true that I have a very active imagination and ridiculously strange sense of humor (the kind that's only funny to me and possibly two other people). I can't help it, this is how I was born. Really.

Let me explain.

Tonight I was asked how I learned to be social. Since I was never in school or any social setting to learn from a young age how other children behaved and what made them laugh, this was a valid question. While others my age were in school or playing T-Ball/Soccer/anything involving other children, I was home alone most days with a lot of pets, several siblings, and hardly any supervision at all. I had to self entertain, which sometimes meant crafting boats of hay to sail horse poop across the pond in the backyard (that's 100% true, I had a witness).

Social skills were the furthest thing from my young mind and I don't remember caring enough about what people said to me to know if they were trying to teach me anything about that at all. One thing I do recall being taught by my eldest sister is the word "sarcastic." It was like she gave me a magic key, I am pretty sure that my face began to glow and my heart beamed golden light. Also I loved when I learned the word "pandemonium" but that came from a book so nobody gets credit for teaching me that except ME, that's who.

Friends, you don't learn how to be this strange, it's like a curse that you go to therapy or spiritual healing to try and sort out (hypothetically, of course). No, really, there came a time through all my trying to fit in, to learn how to maneuver in a social setting without being "all weird and quiet" (quiet is to sit back and try to observe so you make fewer mistakes when actually speaking) that I saw my background not as a handicap, but as a badge of honor. The way I grew up sets me apart, sure, so now I open up more because this stuff is funny and I apologize less because it's not my fault others don't get it and it takes something more obvious to make them laugh (that's sad, sorry for those people).



Social skills, yeah I lack them in the traditional manner. Passing this along to my public school, mainstream bombarded girls is a challenge. I'm just trying to teach them manners, appreciation for good music, and an open mind to the absurdity that they call "mama" (or recently "Mommy" again, which I totally cherish and I'm not sure what brought about the resurrection). I think they are pretty darn lucky to have the balance of extremely traditional and normal with exceptionally odd and open minded. It's also great that they don't have access to horse poop or ponds.

{ never known } - yogi. photographer. mama. austin, tx.

She is 15 today. What would my life be if this amazing young woman had not come to me? I don't even like to imagine my world without her. She came to me just three months before I turned 17. The perfect time.



Full of smiles, plenty of songs to please crowds.
A starlight born with her very own star.
She knew what she was from the first day.
I still learn.
She amazes me.
Shirley Temple, my Bug, my first love.
Tear filled blue-gray, flecks of green.
She can break my heart and send it to the sky.
Deeply caring, brilliant beyond her own knowledge.
Beginning to fly.
Tiny kicks to a belly so young.
My savior from an ordinary life.
For her I'd be more, I swore, I swear.
The wires tangle.
A wild rope bridge between the jungle of our hearts.
So much lady light.
Blinding.
Staring into the sun of each other.
New, frightening, beautiful.
A prayer to be worthy.
A grace for mistakes.
She was given as my teacher and I as hers.
Together we can dance through the difficult.
There is no greater love than this.

{ easy } - yogi. photographer. industrious. austin, tx

Today has been phenomenal. I have worked hard and continue to do so, because days like this make the hard work feel easy. Thank God for retrospect, a strong-will, yoga, and sunshine (baby-wipe-showers also deserve honorable mention).

I believe we are all co-creators of our lives. We find the work we are passionate about and then we must do it. Easy, no, not always. Scary, yes, there will be fear at some point. It's in following our heart and bringing our best into the world that we inspire ourselves and others to go a little further, try one new thing, and perhaps dream of life beyond default.

Today I proved this to myself. Life is wonderful! I am inspired by the dreamers, the doers, the determined.

{ porch song inspired } - yogi. photographer. more. austin, tx

Friday I was told a story about this song called "The Porch Song." When I heard the song everything made sense, oh how I relate.



Lover, I take me back.
There are no pieces that you may have.
All of me belongs to me.
I warned you of my selfish nature.
Don't try to hold a gypsy.
We run.
Disappear.
We pack everything and move.
I have nothing to send you, I need this to survive.

One day we should celebrate.
You will forgive me in the future.
When you find the golden light of your own that I left with you.
I told you, I don't lie, I am not a thief.
Your treasure.
Look for it.
You're so close.
Put down your anger, drop all the weight.

Oil, amber, earth.
Energy, music, dreams.
I told you I wanted more.
From childhood I have been a seeker.
We chase.
Pursue.
We run to the edge of reason and jump off.
You knew when you met me, my dirty feet gave me away.

Search for your Divinity.
Saturate yourself in bliss.
Babe, you are wonderful.

{ sadness in try } - yogi. photographer. self critic. austin, tx

Do I love my own photos? I guess you could say that it's a "love/hate relationship."

Why am I challenging myself to this project of photographing myself practicing yoga with so many exposed flaws? Because I want to love it all.





Each of us enters our own battle of self image. Mine began very early in life when my older sister used to call me "potbelly." Over the years I have done many harmful things to my body to lose weight, maintain weight, or just because I was caught in a habit. This skin, these bones, all of my muscles have been abused at some point.

When I look at my pictures, I scrutinize. Mercilessly I judge down to the tiniest (but huge in my mind) detail, things I would see as gorgeous on someone else, I furrow my brow and self deprecate in my head. There is an ever growing list of things that I want to "correct" about my body. I want this to end.

Today I'm struggling in my long fight against self criticism, it's a low day for my body-image. While it's very kind to hear praise for my strength, my ability to overcome, I find myself thinking "I wish I saw that" or "well they can't see...."

My photos and self expression are aiding me in a journey toward loving the entirety of my being. Like forcing a narcissist to live without mirrors, I am pushing myself in front of the lens and my words into the open. In waves I experience this awe of my own body, followed by doubt or disappointment. Onward I plow, to the place where the beauty I see in others I can also witness in my own flesh. One frame at a time I am unveiling, I am desperate to accept fully, to revel in a love for my skin, blood, bones, muscle, hair, even my softer, more full (because I'm not going to use the "f-word" on myself anymore) parts.

{ surrender cool } - yogi. photographer. austin, tx.

I don't want to be the cool girl.
I tried, but I'm not her. I am passionate and jealous, I love headstrong just like I do everything.



Once I was afraid of crazy.
I tried to be chill, mellow, the cool girl.
That's not me.
Warm blood, short temper, strong touch, me.
My attempt to go with the flow, disaster.
I have desires, opinions, and giant dreams.
Mediocre, less than extravagant, never.
Years lost to hiding, a love lost as well.
Lessons learned, confidence gained.
I'll hold you tight, kiss you hard, and pout when I'm sad.
You will hear loads of "I adore you" and a few four-letter words.
Halfway is hardly.
I let you see and then I ran.
I accept, admit, ridiculous me.
Wild, full of mischief, green-eyed monsters, and smiles.
Teasing, crying, caressing.
I witness my emotions, no movie can compare.
I feel deeply and give decadently.
A lifetime of play, passion, unabashed desire.
Too late, and never too late.
I'm okay to be crazy.

{ purely physical } - yogi. photographer. austin, tx.

The mind body connection never ceases to amaze me. I will notice my mind, a busy pot of boiling thought, emotion, plan making, goal setting, questioning, ect. This state of mental frenzy can make me feel utterly crazed. Sometimes it takes me a minute (like a Lil Wayne "minute"...more than 60 seconds) before I realize that my body is the key to release. My solitude is found on my mat or on a trail run. Movement.



During practice (yoga) or a run, I do not mentally check-out, my mind still whirls. Somehow as I sweat it begins to soften and untangle, I become a moving witness. A body in motion allowing my energy to expand and even shed layers which I no longer need to hold tight to, open to see and sense the clarity of my soul. Even my legs and arms begin to feel lightweight. I imagine myself gliding through the air, lost in an enchanted memory or dream of the future. Happiness.



When I have tangible experiences such as this, I'm bewildered how it takes me so long to remember/decide to get up and move. Perhaps I subconsciously resist the healing. It is when I push the threshold and elevate my activity level the energetic shift occurs and I feel saturated in love. I physically run (vinyasa) into the arms of God. Prayer.