in wonder

Sitting in contemplation, beckoning to all my strength to follow my instruction.
A battle between mind, heart, will, choice, future, longing, past, and a lifetime hangs in the balance.

It is in this place, this difficult, tumultuous, head case place...that I now find myself wondering.
I wonder how long I have been here?
I wonder if I will escape, unscathed and unbiased.
I wonder whether my feelings will be high or low, from day to day.

Each day is a new adventure.
Adventures are not always easy, not always fun, but I will learn something every day.
Embrace the good days, rise above the hard days, treasure in my heart the lessons I am being taught.

If ignorance is bliss, than bliss is mine.
For there is nothing concrete about this place of wonder I now tarry in.
I'm here to grow, to dream, to love, to release, and live unabashedly.

For now, my wondering builds my honesty and my patience.

up close with my growing girls

here is a closer look at Masyn and Evelyn... my two girls who almost share a birthday and for that matter, they almost share a holiday themed birthday! Masyn turned 5 on February 12th and Evelyn is 3 years old today, the 13th.

My how time flies.



Masyn~

the boss of all, servant to none. She is full of life and spirit. The funniest things come from her mouth, and though she is almost mean at times (she is my character clone), people can't help but forgive and love her! I always look forward to seeing her smile, hearing her next crazy comment, and kissing and holding her. It's really killing me that she is now 5, soon she will have to use 2 hands she show her age, I'm not ready. Can I just freeze her, just like she is in this picture?

Actually, I do love to see her grow and become even more unique and outspoken (although it causes me great embarrassment at times when she offends people). I'm excited to see what her life will be like and how she will impact the world around her, I know it will be big, she's too dynamic to not stir something up.



Evelyn~

I've been wondering if we would make it through the last few months with my girlie here. She has been really, really tough to handle. Lots of fits and crying, aka "the terrible 2's." I believed the TT's to be an urban legend, I thought that 18 months was the hardest phase.... Evelyn proved me wrong. She hit 2 1/2 and things started to happen that I wasn't ready for. Though she was behaving wildly at times and testing my patience and guidance as a mother, she has always been the most affectionate and loving child ever.

The last few days have seen Evelyn in much improved moods though, I feel like I am seeing a light at the end of that TT-tunnel. She's not 100% obedient yet, and yes, there are still tantrums that are pretty intense, but I think she is getting the message that crying does not equal getting her way. Oh the hard times of saying "no" when I want to say "yes," all the time outs and discipline, I think they are paying off. Now if I could just get her to stop trying to tinkle standing up...

{SPC} introductions - austin area photographer

Many of you remember the self portrait challenge group, well now it can be found on flickr.

I've joined ranks again... I miss it, and I fail at posting on time and regularly, but they are kind enough to allow me to participate despite my lacking.

This month the theme is "introductions." So here I am, this is me. Amelia. A semi-slob, loving her kids, who have their little imprint on this picture with their dirty hand prints on my mirror. This is me at the core and un-adorned.



I like to wear jeans and wife beaters, and no shoes. I like to have my hair all messy and on my shoulders, sometimes I even like it to hang in my face. I'm just me, just comfy, and totally okay with that now....after 27 years.

for the love of light

I might be stuck at home not making any money and feeling so terrible about leaving people to fill my spot for 3 days.... but I have made the most of my time here.

My house is disinfected (hopefully) and the laundry is all done, finally.

The best thing by far though.... yesterday and today around 2pm I was able to go outside and just read in the sunshine. I have a tiny (and I do mean minuscule) tan line, but it makes my heart smile. I'm feeling healthier than ever, even though I have a bloodshot eye that could rival some of Rocky Balboa's.



Ahhh... yes, sunshine is a mighty, mighty good thing... bring on the vitamin D baby!!

i might never like pink again

January of 2008 I suffered through a case of the chicken pox, it was miserable.
Although my current battle does not compare to that misery, I am miserable on a smaller scale, miserable nonetheless.

I woke up about 1:30 am with a very itchy, oozy, eye.

I managed to dress and feed all three girls and get them off to school, drive to work, and work for one hour.

Then I was sent home.... with what we believe is a case of pink eye. Ugh, it's gross and annoying.

I'm going to the doctor this afternoon, but until then I am just here, struggling to get something done with one good eye and one that is tearing and burning.... and it feels bruised too.

How could they give such a wicked infection such a pretty name as "Pink Eye?"