{esoteric inspiration} - austin area photographer

Wow, May is gone. I spent the month working as hard as I possibly could. I was lucky enough to be part of a new store opening and we had much to do! It's still a very busy time in my life, but the wildest part is over and now I'm back to assure you I am not dead. However, I am suffering from a back injury but that's a whole different story.

Today I was inspired to write. It won't reach many I am sure, especially since I've lost all readers on here, but something inside me stirred today when a scent hit my nose and I was overwhelmed with the need to put it into words. Not just the memory that the smell evoked, but the rush of emotion that has been waiting for work to slow down to make it's presence known.

I was walking to the pool, my first day in a series of vacation days that are desperately needed. Bag packed with a book, iPod, water, and lotion, ingredients to a perfect rest by the pool and the occasional dip when Texas heat gets the best of me. I passed a van idling in the parking lot and the smell of diesel gasoline and the extreme high temperature outside took me straight back to the summer of '96. Yep, I was 14 and I was driving a tractor for my brother during rice harvest. For the rest of my life, diesel will make me think of our farm, but today was unique, I could even picture the clothes I had on. It was surreal. As I let myself be carried back in time, my mind flooded with good memories, sad memories, pains, joys, celebrations, moments of grief, and dreams for future. Maybe it was profound, maybe it was heat related hallucination, I don't care...it was magical. Like all of my life from the most hurtful to most rewarding were right there and they all connected just right. I haven't lead a "hard knock" life and I haven't lived a charmed life either, but it's my life. Yesterday I was kind of sad over some things and I focused throughout the day on choosing to be happy about the good. Today's epiphany makes yesterday seem so silly. I want this level of awareness always, I feel so grateful in this moment, for every single life experience I have ever had...

For my farewell, here is a picture of my new "family."