I would like to thank the two of you who were concerned for my extreme lack of posting over the last month. Momentarily I don't feel like writing about all that has caused it to be so, however I wanted to let both of you know that you missing me meant a great deal to me.
Now onto what I truly wanted to share tonight...
With Mother's Day approaching I have made a few jokes recently about how I look forward to when my girls are a little older and will do something as a treat for me. Selfish, yes I am and I admit it. I did decide however that I will do something for my girls an reverse the conventional ideas of Mother's Day. Giving back to the whole reason for the day...my girls who make me try to be a better mother every day.
When I was growing up my dad treated my mom like a queen in front of me. He seemed to elevate her above all and dote on her. In truth, I idolized my mother. In my mind she was the most beautiful and talented woman on earth. Her pictures from her teen years seemed impossibly gorgeous, like the girl everyone would envy. She has painted, sewn, owned her own business, played tennis, and more...I felt there was nothing she could not excel at if she tried. Even when I disliked her, I still thought she was amazing. When I was angry with her, I often tried to blame others to avoid discord with her. Through hard times, scary times, beautiful times, and most enjoyable times, I loved my mom more than anyone.
Being a grown up is not always fun. One day I had to face the fact that my mom is an incredible person, but she is human. I think I began to realize this when I saw myself love my oldest so much, but I still made so many mistakes as a mother. My mom rarely talks to me because she is so disappointed in my choice to divorce. There is a great big empty spot in my life where my mom belongs, but I feel that my ideals which I developed as a child will never be met. I must look for ways to be real and open with my girls and love them without condition. This is my lesson for mother's day and my mid-year resolution.