{ march, truly? } ~ austin area photographer/yogini

I think I lived through February on autopilot because it just seems to have passed without my knowledge. I won't say that I am "so busy" because it's nothing new since my previous post, life is just about finding the order and making time for priorities. As I move closer to my goal of teaching yoga and being a doula, I find that my blog is a necessity in the process and will continue to be something I lean on for expression and communication. One blog can reach so many more than I can via text or phone, however those are still vital. :)

This is what my table looks like most days...a splay of books and coffee mugs, moleskins and highlighters, Crayon masterpieces and hair ties. I'm full throttle in my studying and feeling better than ever (with the exception of a crick I've had in my neck for 3 days). My fear of the learning has become easier to quiet, thanks to a great deal of meditation. Finally I am able to visualize myself as a teacher, this is a beautiful step for me.



I've still been styling as well, so fashion has never taken a full "back-seat" in my life. My conundrum is now trying to find time and occasion to dress up, I just live in yoga clothes and my bar uniform. Although I have to say "darn it Lulu Lemon for being so expensive!" because I could easily shop there for yoga and live happily ever after in my Luon and open back sexy workout gear, maybe it just feels pretty...whatever it is, it works and sadly I can't even afford socks there ($14.00 a pair). My styling is 99% for men so that does help my temptation factor some since we rarely visit women's stores. Street vendors remain a constant source of inner struggle, I love that hippie jewelry and stuff.

SXSW (South by Southwest) is coming to Austin next week. I really am floored that it's been a year. Time has literally zoomed by. Again I lack a badge or wristband but hopefully I will be able to make a few shows or at least just spend some time downtown with all the visiting music lovers. The energy in the city excites me, I love being able to take part in some way this year, I have always been pinned up in a day job through the previous years.

What else can I share today in my attempt to bring you all to speed on my happenings? I'm in work, work, train, home, work, repeat mode for now... I'm still managing to wrangle in some time to spend taking care of myself as I lacked before and I am feeling healthier and stronger in spirit. Finally bought a vacuum and that was the most exciting thing for me in a while, nothing beats the euphoric feeling of cleaning (maybe that's just me). I also got a cheapo printer but I need USB before I can start printing all my amazing Pinterest quotes to scatter around my apartment. Until then I will keep drawing with markers all my study aids like my colorful Chakra chart and lists of Klesas and Koshas. I feel like this..



For more laughs I watch this often..



Now friends, have a beautiful day and please know I have missed you all SO much!!!

{ acceptance }

Sometimes I am baffled by my own silliness. How can it be that I have read, learned, and lived so many beautiful lessons and still manage to forget them at times?.... I marvel over how calm and at peace within myself I have become and then see myself spiral into self criticism and berate who I am. The past two weeks have been eye opening for me. When people told me how intense yoga training would be I grew more excited, I genuinely want to grow and change. The idea of having this opening fueled my desire to take this big step. I under estimated the pain that might accompany this journey. Though some may say it sounds cliche or even cheesy, yoga really has changed my life and as I sat here today reading more of the Yoga Sutra I had a wake up call to how I have been living recently, I have been giving my all for everyone but me and growing discouraged and insecure in myself because of the lack attention and love that I should have been giving myself. I'm not promoting selfishness or saying I want to give less to anyone else, just that I have not acknowledged that I am reaching and stepping out towards a goal and salute myself. Fear in failure has been dragging my mood down and the truth is that I have already succeeded in so much I should have a great deal more confidence than I have been moving with lately. I have avoided self evaluation, but as I have been thinking about this all today I am proud of who I am and my life, I have so much good and I forget to say "thank you" each day for all of it. No amount of pain or hurt should ever cause me to stray from an attitude of gratefulness and I admit that I have the last week or so. It hasn't been easy or fun to take this look inward and see how much I let myself and those I love down by not being focused or true to my intentions, but this step of accepting where I have been is the first in getting back on the track to where I am going.



The beauty of going through something that causes me to take a look at my life never ceases to amaze me, it's stunning how the universe knows when to bring something into my life to shake me and see a new place in my life to grow. With each lesson I learn and forget and relearn and re-forget, and....blah... I'm becoming more self aware and experiencing a new depth of mindfulness. I'm sure there is much more to come as I delve into these books and teachings of the yogic way, and I open my heart and arms to the challenge. I really like me and I don't want to let that go again.