Wednesday, October 27, 2010

{ bridling the mane } ~ austin area photographer

I've always enjoyed hats. My grandpa's cowboy hat, my dad's airplane (seriously the hat had wings) hat, a couple of my mom's late 80's - early 90's style hats.... I just liked hats. I think I was brave enough as a teen to don a few. Once I grew into my own skin around the age of 25 I became obsessed and started my collection of hats. Mostly I like the snuggly winter kind of hats, some people call them beanies, I personally hate that name and will always call them affectionately...snookie hats. Don't argue this with me, I will never give in.

As of late I have been wearing them in the bar to stay warm and it also makes a boring outfit seem like I put some effort into it (which isn't the case really, I just toss on whatever can get ruined). So for my 52 weeks of BAM that I have been neglecting sadly, I took a picture of myself in my newest acquisition, I love the color, it makes me so happy, like I have stepped into the movie Love Story and I am Ali MacGraw for a moment in time. :)

{ hat lady }

Next week I should have some fun news about Halloween, I finished my costume last night! Good news, I still remember how to sew. I also learned that I can french braid my own hair. Any guesses on who you think I am going to be? Cheating if you are my friend on Facebook.


Tuesday, October 19, 2010

{ paternal appreciation } ~ musing of a daughter

Yesterday I remembered how much I need my daddy. So following my usual tendency toward list making, I began to reel off in my mind all the things for which I am so grateful to my father.

{ daddy }

Dad, I know I was a vexing girl, a pain in your neck, an ache in your heart at times, and I never understood all you were doing for me...growing up changes a lot and I want to take a moment to say thank you, thank you for....

All the times you took care of everything with my car, yesterday and today I have missed that help so much.

The length of my legs, because I can walk twice as far twice as fast as normal women.

Always reading to me in funny voices and singing crazy songs at bedtime.

Your slap stick and zany sense of humor, I am sarcastic, but because of you my humor is well rounded and I can laugh at pretty much anything.

Setting the bar high for any man who might want to enter my life.

Teaching me to drive everything from a tractor to a car (in that order).

Exposing me to unique views on snakes and making me eat them.

Building my self esteem.

Telling me and your other daughters that you married a queen and for always treating her that way.

Openly showing affection. It's because of you dad that my girls get kissed and hugged all the time and I know the never skip a chance to tell them I love do such a good job at this and have taught me well.

My good vision (knock on wood).

Spending time with me last Summer when I couldn't walk or run away from painful arguments and situations, you were my rock.

Making me listen to Marty Robins and helping to expand my musical appreciation.

Really dad, there is no end to this list, you continually bring me new reasons to be thankful that I am your daughter. I hope you know how much I love you and that there is NO other daddy I would ever want to have over you... you are the best!


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

{ acquiescence + love } ~ austin area photographer

Last night I gave you the Cliff's Notes update of my life. Today my mind is full of deeper issues and I have little time to write as I am about to get my girls from school. I just want to share a small thought from my full heart.

I had lunch with a very good friend and as we parted I said "full belly, full heart." That's how I feel right now. I'm contemplative about some things. There have been hurtful words tossed my way and I admit I am reminding myself to not take anything personally. It's a difficult thing to live out, yet it is a truth I believe. My friend lifted my chin and reminded me that hurts come and go, good friends will always prove themselves to be so.


This image is somber and for me even a tiny bit dark. My mood is even and full of gratitude for those who embrace me and accept even my whining. Today my mood is a culmination of love, grief, sunshine, and rainbows on the horizon. The future holds a bright light as long as I accept that I can't change anything but my view. Love is the only way to live this out. I choose to love it out.


{cynicism + pauperdom}

I've long been compiling posts in my mind, and I beg your forgiveness for not setting aside the time to actually write out those thoughts. They are lost now and must not have been truly great if I cannot recall them. Accept my apology but consider yourself lucky to have not wasted time reading mindless babble developed in an overactive imagination.

Tonight is an update post, sadly I have no images to accompany it. Something I will be correcting tomorrow is the lack of action my camera has seen. My fingers are hungry for the weight of my Canon and my ears long to appreciate the hearty "click" of the shutter. Oh yes, the need to shoot has grown to a dangerous and overwhelming high.

If you have wondered where I have been...please allow me to indulge your curiosity with the tale of my whereabouts.

As many of you read previously, I resigned from my retail job, a bitter sweet ending. The opportunities which seemed exciting and very promising all faded away and I found myself without a job and without leads toward something new. My heart was fearful and I had to really focus and reject those emotions, I had to be positive and gain clear vision again. I needed money right away, so I strong armed a friend into teaching me to bartend. A stretch for me career wise, as I have had absolutely no service industry experience, but I know that I can learn anything so I committed myself to this task. I trained and attained some skills, literally went door to door at bars along West 6th street in Austin and even though I was told I would not find a job anywhere there (p.s. way number 11,478 4 to make me not want a second date is to tell me I can't succeed at something), I was given a chance by a great bar. So for the last few weeks, my feet have learned to live within the confines of closed toes, my hands have been sliced and callused, my skills have been fine tuned, and I am confident to say I am a bartender. Is this my long term goal?, but has it allowed me to spend days with my favorite little ladies and work while they sleep?..yes! I didn't get evicted from my apartment which is a huge step in the right direction. Also, my bar stories will now hold at least one chapter in my memoir or possibly a book all their own. Adjusting to my new hours and change of profession has been difficult and entertaining, I could write many things about this...but tonight you will be spared.

I have learned much about the cynical side of some people. I am reminded of how often I have been called "strong willed," and honestly I will accept that because where there is a will, there is a way...and my strong will-ingness to do whatever I had to kept my girls with me and a roof over our heads. Doubt and criticism are negativity I just don't have time for in my life and frankly, I don't like them.

Changing gears completely and wrapping this up, I just want to thank the people who have been emailing and letting me know they care if I am alive or dead, that meant a lot. Also I appreciate the kindness from a few new readers, I am very grateful that you came to visit my blog and your emails made my smile bigger. Thank you all, I love you!