Tuesday, August 27, 2013

{ growth + saturation } - yogi. photographer. child. austin, tx.

My mom used to tell me that history repeats itself. She would laugh at me wanting to wear things of hers from the 60's and 70's and tell me that one day the styles of my time would come back around (mom, you were right, I own a hyper color shirt again).

Life really is a cycle. The good news is...when the repeat begins, if we are awake, we can make new choices (like NOT wearing skirts with ruffles around our hips or denim overalls).

The weather in Austin today was humid and warm, I was taken back to some other time and I have been nostalgic all day. Sometimes when I look back at my life I worry. Plagued by the fear that I haven't grown enough, because I see the wheel coming back around. Now I am armed with a new mindset, I have bigger dreams. My life will not simply play out the same tune over and over, I will find and create something different amid this natural circle of life. Instead it will become my spiral growing larger on the way up, like a ripple grows out from the center. I will reach beyond the places I have been, expand in all directions, inspire myself, and live over the edge of the horizon.

sirsasana - pike
sirsasana - headstand
sirsasana - headstand
sirsasana - headstand
sirsasana - headstand
sirsasana - headstand
sirsasana - headstand

The air hit me like a memory flood. Warm and sultry on my skin, rich and earthy in my nose.
Just like Summer days so long ago after a rain and before we could rush down to the river.
Sitting on the porch or in the pavilion, killing time with pick-up sticks or Uno.
We were young, I was innocent.
I took in every texture, every scent, every dream. I was a sponge ripe for experience.
I wanted the world.
When you want the world, it comes to you, ready or not.
Lost were my eyes of pure trust, in two beers and strong arm.
I no longer wanted the world.
The muggy air did not excite me, it made me afraid. Scared of the way the heat makes people wild.
Withdrawn and asleep, protecting that sweet girl by shutting the world away from her.
The world still my desire, somewhere I could not touch.
Buried were my longing to connect, to be seen, and to live.
Shadow times, lost years. Times where I can not draw any pictures or link any sensations.
Cold times.
Summer is resurrection for me. The heat reminds me I am bold, free, and passionately alive.
Warmth like today pulls my mind through decades, memories, and then brings me here.
Scary things happen, life moves me, shakes me, and I want to cover my eyes and cloak my body.
It is that moment when I breathe. I look into the eyes of people I love, people who smile back.
No more hiding.
Hot air rises, and so it is with me.
Fear will come and I will hold my little blonde haired angel in her flannel shirt and tell her "it's ok."
We lift above this, carried on a steamy breeze of love, determination, and faith.


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