{ casual imputation } ~ austin area photographer

Yesterday I had the thought "I think in status posts." Honestly, I find myself having funny thoughts and in my head they are like Twitter posts or Facebook status messages. It's a sickness. Also I have been tossing around the idea lately of closing my FB page and dropping the whole social networking scene. I can't commit to that because I hope one day it will help my photography business back off the ground and I want to stay in there. I just find it a giant waste of time that I can't break, plus, some people seem to just use it as a way to try and keep up with me rather than actually being engaged in real life and talking to me (and if it weren't family I'd just ignore that). So you see, I can't stop 100%, but I have decided to post more on here what crosses my wild mind to post as a status.

A little sample from yesterday's musings...

"I feel mean right now because I just saw a guy in a hat and thought "I wonder what bet HE lost?" Harsh eh?"

"Dear Santa, along with the Dyson vacuum I have requested for Christmas, I'd also like a bottle of Gucci Guilty, and could you please have that to me by Thanksgiving? THANKS! xo, Amelia"

"Because I can't walk in high heels, I will be practicing daily." --- and picture below is the proof!!




"Sincerity is a rare gem and a character must for people who want to be in my life with any significance."

"Today I look better without clothes."

"Channelling my inner Ali MacGraw, and it's pretty easy."

"These are the coolest kids I have ever met, thank God they are mine."

"All it takes in the world to make me happy... a journal, a book, and a hot drink." ---again picture proof.



Okay you guys get the idea. I really have a problem. I should carry around a little book and my camera and take pictures and write my thoughts, they could turn it into a scary documentary. No, as embarrassing as it is, I like the entertainment I can get just from my own personal musings. However, it's difficult for others to get why I am smiling or laughing at inappropriate moments, and yes, that happens kind of a lot.

I hope you all have a lovely Wednesday! You have made it half way through the week, good for you! I am patting myself on the back for living through Spin Class this morning and now I'm off to shower and work a double shift. I love life today, thanks for all the love you friends put in my life and for enduring my silly little babbles.

{ feverishly gratifying } ~ austin area child photographer

Evelyn was sent home from school Wednesday with a fever. Of course no parent wants their child to be sick, however she and I both reaped a reward the following day...

Fever gone, Evelyn was feeling fine. School policy required her to stay home another full 24 hours fever free. So the two of us just got to spend a morning alone doing whatever we pleased. To start we had oatmeal, a morning must for me. Then it was time for some nail painting, Evy chose 5 colors, one for each finger/toe. Snuggling was included as well. Then she accompanied me to the gym, where she stayed in the kids area and I took a Pilates class and did some cardio. To quote my silly little miss priss "there were mostly boys in the playroom and they were ALL annoying." I let her know that most boys are. She said she will go back sometime, but it was kind of annoying.



After all that excitement we went for a milkshake per Evelyn's special request. :) I will remember always her cute little face all sucked in trying to get the shake up the straw, her eyes couldn't have looked any bigger or shone any more anticipation and glee.



I needed this day with Evy to remind me of the benefits to my current job situation. If I had a typical 9-5 job this day wouldn't have been possible. When I was in retail I could never have taken off to stay with a sick kiddo and she surely would never have been allowed to come with me. So even though my career path is a little off beat right now, I am so grateful for it. Whatever is going to happen, will happen, and right now I want to learn the lessons I am supposed to that prepare me for the next exciting chapter in my crazy life.

{ exposed + indulgent } ~ austin area photographer

Once upon a time, I woke up and for some reason took my own picture. That was last week. Today I decided that I would share my first thing in the morning photo.

You see, I have this mirror that I found at a garage sale years ago, I purchased it for like $5.00 or something ridiculous, and it's my favorite. As are most of my treasured things, it's old and I just gave it a little elbow grease and love...and now it graces my wall and it's literally the second thing I see, first being my iPhone alarm clock. So the story behind this includes me being unadorned, but I love the framing of my favorite mirror, and seeing the work of my hand, and how it makes this image have a timeless quality, like it might have been taken many years ago.

I never really go anywhere except the gym without fixing up a little. Sometimes the workers at my local HEB have to see me as I've rolled out of bed, but it's rare. Taking my own picture is often challenging enough when I have taken the time to get ready, but I think I take more real pictures when it's a spur of the moment thing as the case for this photo. As you might imagine, I'm a little stretched by showing such a raw image of myself, but I like rising to my inner challenge and saying "who cares" to my fears.



It occurred to me today that I come to my blog and post to indulge in my thoughts and really let them run wild and express what swims around in my head. There is much more that I should come on here and share. This is me being honest and as the picture above, totally fresh and exposed. Is it scary to come read such idiopathic posts? Often I feel guilty because my writing is such a release for me and I wonder if it's a healthy habit or a sick cosseting of my mind.

{ credence + humanity } ~ austin area photographer

By a certain age, or by the culmination of many events in life, individually we ascertain trust levels about everyone we meet. For some of us, we trust easily and are quick to believe everything we are told. Others take much longer and require people to prove that they are trustworthy. I fall into the first group (as you might have noticed) who readily trust. For me I believe that people are good and only do bad things. My heart and soul open up and I find it confusing when others refuse to believe me or accept my sincerity. This causes me much pain and as you can probably guess, many big disappointments.

One would assume that with time I would change and start being more of a skeptic (I have been lied to so much it's almost comical). I try, but inside I still feel the letdown because even if I pretend to have a big wall, it's really paper thin and my hopes are up that I can believe everything I am told. Even advertisements work on me, I can read the back of shampoo bottles for over an hour trying to decide which one REALLY will give me incredibly healthy hair that I will notice in one week. Gullible?...maybe. I just can't imagine going through life any other way. I'm being more careful to remember to treasure what I treasure and share with special few, but in the deepest, most special place in my heart, I know that I was created to give and to pour myself out without inhibition. One day that will be safe.



I thought about this because of conversation last night with my best friend and I have to thank her for always reminding me that I have to hold back at least a little. Sunny, without you'd I'd probably be heartbroken, nearly dead, and for sure I'd never know that rockstars don't smile. I love you a ton and appreciate when you teach me how to toughen up a little.

{ deceptively sinister } ~ austin area child photographer

Because of working the busy Halloween weekend, I got to dress up the girls on Friday for their Monster Mash party at school. This year all three girls chose their costumes and it was fun to watch them have precise ideas about how they should look. We had such a fun time getting ready and made-up for the event.

Masyn and Evelyn decided on costumes that were a little more on the spooky side, or in Masyn's own words "only a little bit evil."



Avery didn't want to dress up on Friday, she preferred to save her piece 'de resistance of a costumer for Sunday night trick-or-treating. She was Alice, from Alice in Wonderland. She looked stunning and far too grown up for my pleasing. Sometimes I am shocked back to reality that she is 12 and quite the little beauty.



These pictures just show my girls at their truest, silly colors... always playing and having some sort of little show to just sit back and watch. I'll let you all enjoy the many funny faces that I am so lucky to get to see most every day.





Hope you all had a safe and wonderful (and loaded with candy) Halloween!!

{ bridling the mane } ~ austin area photographer

I've always enjoyed hats. My grandpa's cowboy hat, my dad's airplane (seriously the hat had wings) hat, a couple of my mom's late 80's - early 90's style hats.... I just liked hats. I think I was brave enough as a teen to don a few. Once I grew into my own skin around the age of 25 I became obsessed and started my collection of hats. Mostly I like the snuggly winter kind of hats, some people call them beanies, I personally hate that name and will always call them affectionately...snookie hats. Don't argue this with me, I will never give in.

As of late I have been wearing them in the bar to stay warm and it also makes a boring outfit seem like I put some effort into it (which isn't the case really, I just toss on whatever can get ruined). So for my 52 weeks of BAM that I have been neglecting sadly, I took a picture of myself in my newest acquisition, I love the color, it makes me so happy, like I have stepped into the movie Love Story and I am Ali MacGraw for a moment in time. :)



Next week I should have some fun news about Halloween, I finished my costume last night! Good news, I still remember how to sew. I also learned that I can french braid my own hair. Any guesses on who you think I am going to be? Cheating if you are my friend on Facebook.

{ paternal appreciation } ~ musing of a daughter

Yesterday I remembered how much I need my daddy. So following my usual tendency toward list making, I began to reel off in my mind all the things for which I am so grateful to my father.



Dad, I know I was a vexing girl, a pain in your neck, an ache in your heart at times, and I never understood all you were doing for me...growing up changes a lot and I want to take a moment to say thank you, thank you for....

All the times you took care of everything with my car, yesterday and today I have missed that help so much.

The length of my legs, because I can walk twice as far twice as fast as normal women.

Always reading to me in funny voices and singing crazy songs at bedtime.

Your slap stick and zany sense of humor, I am sarcastic, but because of you my humor is well rounded and I can laugh at pretty much anything.

Setting the bar high for any man who might want to enter my life.

Teaching me to drive everything from a tractor to a car (in that order).

Exposing me to unique views on snakes and making me eat them.

Building my self esteem.

Telling me and your other daughters that you married a queen and for always treating her that way.

Openly showing affection. It's because of you dad that my girls get kissed and hugged all the time and I know the never skip a chance to tell them I love them....you do such a good job at this and have taught me well.

My good vision (knock on wood).

Spending time with me last Summer when I couldn't walk or run away from painful arguments and situations, you were my rock.

Making me listen to Marty Robins and helping to expand my musical appreciation.

Really dad, there is no end to this list, you continually bring me new reasons to be thankful that I am your daughter. I hope you know how much I love you and that there is NO other daddy I would ever want to have over you... you are the best!

{ acquiescence + love } ~ austin area photographer

Last night I gave you the Cliff's Notes update of my life. Today my mind is full of deeper issues and I have little time to write as I am about to get my girls from school. I just want to share a small thought from my full heart.

I had lunch with a very good friend and as we parted I said "full belly, full heart." That's how I feel right now. I'm contemplative about some things. There have been hurtful words tossed my way and I admit I am reminding myself to not take anything personally. It's a difficult thing to live out, yet it is a truth I believe. My friend lifted my chin and reminded me that hurts come and go, good friends will always prove themselves to be so.



This image is somber and for me even a tiny bit dark. My mood is even and full of gratitude for those who embrace me and accept even my whining. Today my mood is a culmination of love, grief, sunshine, and rainbows on the horizon. The future holds a bright light as long as I accept that I can't change anything but my view. Love is the only way to live this out. I choose to love it out.

{cynicism + pauperdom}

I've long been compiling posts in my mind, and I beg your forgiveness for not setting aside the time to actually write out those thoughts. They are lost now and must not have been truly great if I cannot recall them. Accept my apology but consider yourself lucky to have not wasted time reading mindless babble developed in an overactive imagination.

Tonight is an update post, sadly I have no images to accompany it. Something I will be correcting tomorrow is the lack of action my camera has seen. My fingers are hungry for the weight of my Canon and my ears long to appreciate the hearty "click" of the shutter. Oh yes, the need to shoot has grown to a dangerous and overwhelming high.

If you have wondered where I have been...please allow me to indulge your curiosity with the tale of my whereabouts.

As many of you read previously, I resigned from my retail job, a bitter sweet ending. The opportunities which seemed exciting and very promising all faded away and I found myself without a job and without leads toward something new. My heart was fearful and I had to really focus and reject those emotions, I had to be positive and gain clear vision again. I needed money right away, so I strong armed a friend into teaching me to bartend. A stretch for me career wise, as I have had absolutely no service industry experience, but I know that I can learn anything so I committed myself to this task. I trained and attained some skills, literally went door to door at bars along West 6th street in Austin and even though I was told I would not find a job anywhere there (p.s. way number 11,478 4 to make me not want a second date is to tell me I can't succeed at something), I was given a chance by a great bar. So for the last few weeks, my feet have learned to live within the confines of closed toes, my hands have been sliced and callused, my skills have been fine tuned, and I am confident to say I am a bartender. Is this my long term goal?...no, but has it allowed me to spend days with my favorite little ladies and work while they sleep?..yes! I didn't get evicted from my apartment which is a huge step in the right direction. Also, my bar stories will now hold at least one chapter in my memoir or possibly a book all their own. Adjusting to my new hours and change of profession has been difficult and entertaining, I could write many things about this...but tonight you will be spared.

I have learned much about the cynical side of some people. I am reminded of how often I have been called "strong willed," and honestly I will accept that because where there is a will, there is a way...and my strong will-ingness to do whatever I had to kept my girls with me and a roof over our heads. Doubt and criticism are negativity I just don't have time for in my life and frankly, I don't like them.

Changing gears completely and wrapping this up, I just want to thank the people who have been emailing and letting me know they care if I am alive or dead, that meant a lot. Also I appreciate the kindness from a few new readers, I am very grateful that you came to visit my blog and your emails made my smile bigger. Thank you all, I love you!

{ mexico + narcissism } ~ austin area photographer

For 52 weeks of BAM!.... Just got home from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and I am reliving it through the pictures. Such an amazing and much needed trip. *ahhhhh*



So many stories and so much fun, but I just have to settle back into Austin life now...but believe me, Cabo came home with me!