Wednesday, March 29, 2017

{ raising women } - mama. yogi. lover. writer. austin, tx

I ask myself all the time if I'm qualified for things.
Have I learned enough to be an expert?
What if I give the wrong information?
Nowhere is that more present than in my parenting.
I'm helping guide 3 beautiful young ladies into their own.
Holy shit.
These girls are the most incredible and interesting souls, even when I remove my bias, they're so cool.
So what can I offer?
I've been thinking about some of the things I hope they retain, little nuggets I want them to carry forward.
We are inundated by images of women who act less than ladylike, and I want more for my girls.
I want them to flow through life gracefully and with joie de vivre.
All the good things, all the shadows, and a perfect blend of mysterious and endearing.
These are my girls.


I encourage them to laugh, I'll do anything to make them laugh.
We dance ridiculously whenever we want.
We sing in public and see how much we can make each other blush.
We make up stories endlessly.
We ride a good joke to the very end.

I set the standard that my dad set.
My girls know that I walk next to traffic and they know why.
It's my job to take my girls on proper dates and spoil them.
My girls know they are queens.
There is no such thing as too much affection.

I tell them straight up.
Every question gets an honest answer, even when it's scary.
Every chance I get, I tell them how much I love them, how proud I am, and point out the good.
When they're out of line I call them out.
I apologize when I mess up.

shake it

I let them keep me young.
F*ck this snapchat thing, but for my girls, I'm all in.
We move together, running, yoga, rolling around, and unnumberable hugs.
I share my stories from childhood, reliving and letting them learn from my mistakes.
I let them play DJ and dance to Justin Bieber and Disney pop.

I offer them wisdom.
We play Elmore James and Otis Redding.
We watch movies from way before their time.
I see them as souls, not children, they understand so much.
We read a lot and talk about our books.

I love the random things we discuss.
I cherish the way they open up, the treasures of their life experience that they share with me.
I will protect them from any heartache I can, but when I can't and they hurt, I will hold them always.
I try to teach them manners.
I let them teach me and acknowledge what I don't know.
I adore that they'll humor me and walk in the rain and dance in the road.
I see their love and goodness touch the lives of many.
I can't wait to watch them change the world.


Monday, March 27, 2017

{ wildflower } - yogi. lover. writer. mama. soul. austin, tx

Every day I run by the flowers and they beg me to lie down.
They draw me from the inside, the pull is so strong, but my resistance is stronger.
I know what will happen when I fall back into the field of bluebonnets and Indian paintbrushes.
Once more I'll drink in the poison of memory thinking it is nectar.
This is where we spent so much time saying nothing but breathing together.
For so long I couldn't even bring myself to this place because it was ours.
Your feet and mine pushing the sand and rocks deeper into the earth, while our future unfolded so clearly to only me.
I looked at the sky and saw sapphire even when it was raining.
The leaves didn't turn for me, even through fall and winter.
I thought that was our super power.
While I look over the field of blue and coral now it's all alone.
I'm back here, but without you.
The sky couldn't be bluer and the sun comes out just for me.
I ask the wind to blow over me and she does.
I've managed to have the experience of great, great love, and you weren't beside me this time.
You and I are both full of love, together beautiful, apart just as magnificent.
Even when I thought I was losing myself I was simply losing what I no longer need.
When I thought you were abandoning me, you were pushing me back to my light.
You're growing in ways that inspire me and I'm so proud of you.
My life has shifted to free me of old pains and crutches and I'm so proud of me.
Our time together now is new to me, it's a curious place I struggle with in my head.
However, in my heart, when I shut my eyes and press in, it becomes so easy.
You're my best friend and it makes no sense, but does it have to?
For now, I'm staying open, I'm letting go of my perfect boxes and explanations.
It takes deep breathing, a lot of sitting still, and sometimes tears.
In all the familiar places I close my eyes and I feel all that same love still inside me.
With or without you, I feel passion.
You created the space that now I must hold on my own, space where I learned to love.
Because of you I see how I need to give more, show up without hesitation or analyze the gifts.
My body will become an ocean that knows no shores.
My hands will share tenderness and touch, my feet will pound out pain and suffering, and my heart will remain open.
I stay away from the spell of the flowers because right now I'm running in the sweetness.