{ a back and a foreword } mother. yogi. witness. austin, tx

This is what I appreciated almost exactly one year ago. Today I have even greater appreciation for these three marvelous girls. Not a day goes by that I don't think to myself "I have been so blessed." Even in the murk of scab pulling that I have been so intwined with recently, they remain the brightest of all lights in my life. They remind me to laugh, to breathe, and to play.



As I stirred my coffee this morning (with delicious gingerbread marshmallows bobbling on top), I was churning ideas for New Years celebrations, because I will have a significant amount of time off (for me) and lots of playtime with my lovelies. I want to make it memorable, both by being fun and meaningful.

I am inclined toward the word "Intention" as opposed to the commonly preferred "Resolution." Maybe I even like "Direction"...."What will I create for myself in 2013?" "What will we do as a family in 2013?" "What do I want in 2013?" All of this mingled with the steam of french press holiday blend and I was inspired, so it will be artistic, it will have meaning, and we will do it together...a painting to represent our intentions for 2013. I am so excited, like a kid I cannot wait for this party! This is what play is all about my friends, rekindling that childlike joy and anticipation, that zeal for the juicy parts of living.

It hasn't come without tears and a bloody mess inside, what is brilliant is that it comes along with that and those aches make the splendor more splendid.

{ perception + energy } yogi. witness. photographer. austin, tx

A favorite author of mine wrote "we don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." - Anais Nin



How true this is and I have finally come to see, if even what I recognize now is just a tiny glimpse into the truth, it's empowering in my choices. Though I have to stop often and consider "why might I be responding this way?" or "what has me so outside my natural self about this situation?" it is changing me in a way that feels lighter and opens me, allowing my creativity to spill into more than merely art projects, writing, and those blatantly artsy things, but to truly manifesting new and fresh experiences to my life.

Last night I cried as I drove over a hill and caught site of the fading blue and luscious orange of the Texas sunset illuminating perfectly a large light barked tree with it's smattering of golden-green leaves set off by that water-color backdrop. My heart felt the beauty and I believe my heartbeat became rhythmic with the pulse of nature, I was home energetically. I felt as though this vibratory alignment has occurred many times before and the familiarity was inspiring. Now I am feeling the shedding of layers compiled of stories that I wrote inside myself and declarations that I made that were self destructive, all can be brought to light and I can place them back in my "life album" as experiences, part of this human life I am living. Maybe not gone, perhaps not even fully healed, but realized in the light as separate from I. My past does have to create my future. How simple, but for me so profound.

My next post shall not be so heavy, because through all of this learning, a shifting has happened where Joy, Play, and Delight have become some of my favorite words!!

{ pranayama } yogi. witness. austin, tx

I wrote today. I was empty and I sat in my discomfort like a child in a plastic wading pool. I recognized so many times how I have sought refuge in vices, avoiding the experience of feeling my feelings. I listed all that came up as I let myself be with my emptiness, all the ways that I turn from my higher self and act out of fear. "What makes me so afraid?" I asked myself this question in earnest. The only answer is the unknown. I fear what I will see when I experience my pain without any numbing or distraction, when I look at it face to face and acknowledge that it no longer serves me, that my stories have been just that...stories. I am awake.

That was easier today. Tonight, that list of ways in which I run away from my emptiness is laid out before me. I am determined to live from my essence, I sit here with tears and snot, I inhale with unearthly control to the count of f o u r, hold...I open my mouth and I release a heavy sigh out, deep and audible like I am fogging a mirror. Finally I get it, being with my pain is pranayama. Prana, the breath, it is life. This practice of breath is practice of life, living through each moment with awareness of what I feel, whether it be scary or lovely, painful or uplifting, my breath does not stop and my life does not either. My breath can transform, transcend, and bring me back to Divine truth. I AM still, I AM.

I am writing tonight. Writing because it's another part of my practice, being in my body and aware of how everything is in this moment and trying my best to articulate it. These words are my generous exhalation. I pray they turn into crystalized violet light and shimmer out into the world like a lace blanket of lovingkindness.

{ farcical + surrender } yogi. witness. austin tx

So often I have said things like "I am letting go," or "I release...", even "I surrender." All of these sound so very passive, but today I realized that there may be times when "letting go" is passive, but there are other times when it's a violent and strenuous work of removal.

Maybe making space sounds lovely and peaceful, but think of the weed that is forcefully yanked from the soil where it has grown roots and happily soaked in nutrients. Space has to be made for the gardener to plant what he/she truly intends to grow in his/her garden. Consider the sweat that must pour out for weight loss, the photos burned for lovers to force memories to fade, friends left miles apart when jobs require moving, or watching a child fall over and over as they learn to walk without help, all of these are moments of release.

Not even slightly surprising, I find the answer to current struggles on my yoga mat. I will use Eka Pada Rajakapotasana (Pigeon Pose) as my example. This pose is so often viewed as a resting posture, the "break" in the middle of an active flow, or the asana leading to our final savasana. I have found myself thinking "oh yes, pigeon, I've made it!" When practiced actively for a deep "release" of the hips, this requires focused breath and a conscious choice to surrender all that surfaces as the hip joints open and emotions that are stored inside begin to unfurl. When fully encompassed, this pose often brings tears and is not a gentle "release" at all, rather it is an aggressive purging of all that is no longer serving our body, mind, and heart. When we twist, activate our muscles, and send thoughtful breath that acknowledges "it's okay to fight this letting go, but it has to come out...so inhale- wrestle with pain and exhale- send it away with strength" then this pose becomes transformative.



With life issues I find much the same, it hurts, I don't want to open my heart's grip on things I have long been clinging to, but as I close my eyes and breath in and out, Divine love replaces the areas where ripping and tearing out have left me empty. Just like my Pigeon experience, I find new space, new depth, and sometimes soreness lingers for days.

{ book confession } yogi. student. mother. austin, tx

Tonight I was confronted with the fact that I might have a problem with books. After going to an amazing show, I got home a little earlier than planned so I decided to indulge in reading! My dilemma was that even after packing a few boxes of books in preparation for my upcoming move...I still could not decide what to read before bed, I want to read them ALL!!

Confession: My name is Amelia, and I am a book-aholic. I might have to begin goaling myself to read certain ones or set some kind of challenge that will help me decide what to read and when, I think I am facing paralysis of choice tonight. Perhaps I can make a "wheel-o-books" and spin to find what I should read. I will figure out some way to narrow it down and read for a bit before my eyelids become too heavy, and whatever I come up with I will let you all know. Until then, if you need any book recommendations, ask away, I have a lengthy list to share.

Light, love, and calm dear ones!

{ dream + arrows } yogini, believer, esoteric soul, austin tx

I have a tattoo on the back of my left arm of intersecting arrows. When I decided what I wanted I had no idea why, I just wanted arrows and I wanted them to look very Native American. Now I understand my attraction, it's this lovely Muse, Diana.



Her name stems from the word for light, and she is also a goddess of the sun and moon, the lights of heaven. - Julie Loar "Goddesses For Every Day."

I look at this picture and feel empowered, I see my tattoo (now I have another of a bow & arrow), anytime I see arrows, I recall that light and energy surround me and hold me surely as air holds a bird in the air...so long as that bird keeps her wings open (lovely illustration found in The War Of Art by Steven Pressfield).

Is this an esoteric post, of course, I'm an esoteric woman, but stay with me and you will find the connections. My life has been in massive transformation, I feel like for the last year, in fact it is exactly the year mark from when I accepted my calling to teach yoga and jumped out to meet the Universe. Since then many things have circled and swirled, looped and let go, and I find myself wondering how it's only been one year and where the time went so quickly.

September 21st I made the decision to move closer to my work and all my activities, a huge mark in my life as I have been scared to do this for about 2 solid years of wanting to. I found a place I love and was applied for my first apartment all alone and I got it! I move in two weeks, when I found out I screamed and jumped, I still squeal with excitement every few days.

Last week was the hardest, I'm actually not entirely ready to go into details but I am going to get my first new car today, I am also giving voice to my dream of teaching yoga and offering myself to a studio.

I read this on Friday and I knew it was meant for me at that exact moment because I have believed it in the past, but in this moment I am living it.

"Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would not otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man would have dreamed would come his(her) way. I have learned deep respect for one of Goethe's couplets: "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, magic, and power in it. Begin it now."" - Steven Pressfield "The War Of Art"

Even when things in my life seem to be falling apart, I want to remember...all that comes is coming to make space. Stay open my friends. Whether you call it God, the Universe, angels, ect....there is an energy that wants to co-create with you the greatest life ever, dream big and believe big, and do some yoga any chance you can!

{ sweat + free } yogini. austin, tx

Hey friends, if you missed free yoga last Sunday/Monday tomorrow is the perfect day to jump back in! I'm teaching a free all levels power vinyasa class at Luke's Locker in Austin. 5th/N. Lamar at 10am. Let's start the week with a lovely sweat.

{ sunday free yoga } yogini. austin, tx

Wanted to let you all know I am teaching this Sunday 10:00 am at Luke's Locker on 5th/Lamar in Austin. It's a free class for all levels. We will be focusing on core, legs, and smiles. I really love the playlist and sequence and I look forward to sharing with you and starting Sunday on our mats together. Peace and sweet dreams lovely souls.

{ paddle + myth } yogini. water baby. austin, tx

I've been paddle boarding a few times this summer. I was hooked after my first time out, which was a paddle board yoga class at 7:45am on a sunny Friday morning.... For those of you who might not be familiar with stand up paddle boarding, I will enlighten. You are sent off on your knees with one paddle on a board that is similar to a surf board. Once you are away from the dock you stand up and paddle around, kind of Huckleberry Finn style.


Photo credit: SUPATX, Austin, TX 2012

Today I went alone and paddled far, I wanted to paddle away all my stress and frustration. I began with the mission to paddle until I felt a change in myself and then I would practice some yoga. Truly I thought I would be paddling far, really far, before I sensed some relief. What actually happened was that I began to look down, I started to notice all the life and beauty just below my board. Maybe 10 minutes into my quest and I started to write...

I was floating above the thicket of the water world. Brushy wild flowers swimming and growing at the same time. A mesmerizing home for those who live below the surface of the water. Turtles ducked behind aquatic dandelions who hold wishes because they can't ever be blown away. Mermaids must surely be lounging in the cool of these magical pink and amber bristles. I didn't want to let me paddle touch the water and disturb this sacred place. I glanced up and all around me other's seemed unaware of the miracle that began 3 inches below the warm rippling water. I don't know how far I went, it felt like I was above them for a year, then it was gone. I looked for this place on my return, but they felt my awareness and vanished. I saw many of the turtles relocating, they winked at me and dove back to their hiding place of wonder, back to their moving world that I was momentarily allowed to see.

{ uniquely alike } yogini. writer. austin, tx

I saw this flower on my trip. This lonely, strange flower. She is kind of a daisy, only not quite because her heart is blue, she has secret pains that make her a special kind of lovely. She confuses those who come close enough and look long enough for her oddities to unfold. White petals make her seem pure, untouched and pristine. Where she lives tells a different story, this flower has known a life of struggle, to grow up and bloom through thicket and thorn must not have been a simple way to reach the sunlight she now soaks up. Still, she is there teasing the chain link fence which threatens to hold boundaries and she lends her beauty to amuse and cheer the traveler such as myself. We are alike this flower and I.




Mulholland Dr., Los Angeles, CA. 2012