Showing posts with label mumblings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mumblings. Show all posts

Sunday, February 22, 2009

in wonder

Sitting in contemplation, beckoning to all my strength to follow my instruction.
A battle between mind, heart, will, choice, future, longing, past, and a lifetime hangs in the balance.

It is in this place, this difficult, tumultuous, head case place...that I now find myself wondering.
I wonder how long I have been here?
I wonder if I will escape, unscathed and unbiased.
I wonder whether my feelings will be high or low, from day to day.

Each day is a new adventure.
Adventures are not always easy, not always fun, but I will learn something every day.
Embrace the good days, rise above the hard days, treasure in my heart the lessons I am being taught.

If ignorance is bliss, than bliss is mine.
For there is nothing concrete about this place of wonder I now tarry in.
I'm here to grow, to dream, to love, to release, and live unabashedly.

For now, my wondering builds my honesty and my patience.

signblog

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

nostalgia part 1

Perhaps it's the recent change in weather or maybe all the changes I have been going through personally. It might just be my age and the time in life when people get mushy and sentimental. Whatever the case, I have been carried away many times lately in my mind to my experiences growing up. I thought I would share some. I believe I will do this in a few installments so that you don't get sick of me and stop reading.

The smell of rice the other day reminded me of playing in the back of my dad's 18-wheeler rice trucks, sliding down with the rice as they unloaded it into the dryers. Dumping loads of rice out of my tennis shoes when I got home and itching for 3 days.

Then there was the tractor driving... what an adventure for me, at 14, I felt very grown to be able to handle a huge piece of equipment, and a trailer to boot! Those long, long summer days are some I hope to never forget.

Austin radio is quite diverse. I'm constantly hearing songs from my teenage years. I remember dancing with girl friends. Pretending I knew how to 2-step, but in reality just scooting along and hoping my dance partner was doing the 2-step. I miss dancing, I think I have forgotten how.

A specific tree has an aroma that throws me back to our summer vacations on the Guadalupe River. Swimming for hours on end, getting so tan that you could see tan lines through my clothes. We had a routine there, even though it was mainly to relax. We swam all day, napped, and then had special meals. At the end of the week we would all walk to a nearby cemetery and the teens would do something to scare us younger ones. That was my favorite week out of the entire year, for the first 15 years of my life.

Who would know now that I would be pet-less?! Growing up I had a million pets. I was the worst at naming them, ironically, since now I name everything with great care and thought. My first cat was a wild grey siamese cat, I named her Pooh-Bear. Poor cat. She was beautiful, maybe one day I will have another.

I loved to watch shows like Full House, Family Ties, Just The Ten of Us, and eventually grew into shows like Friends and Almost Home (which I might add...had some extremely COOL guest appearances by celebs before they made it big). The other day I was thinking about old MTV, when Jenny McCarthy was still on Singled Out.

All of these memories mean basically nothing, besides the fact that I am officially old enough to "have a past." I just find that lately I really know who I am, and I see how everything I have lived has shaped me. My likes and dislikes are reflections of my past, and I just feel like stopping to appreciate the life I have lived so far...and carry that with me so that I am grateful for something new each day.

Today I am grateful for many things, but to name one...my sharp and vivid imagination that keeps these mental images crystal clear for me.

xo~Amelia