{ jostling security } ~ austin area photographer

There may be a inclination toward bravery that begins in the womb, but we all reach a higher degree of this trait by choice.

There is something rewarding in knowing that I am okay with putting myself and my fears on the line. A rush I can only assume is adrenaline comes over me when I reach outside my zone of safety and forfeit the nets of "acceptability" to teach myself courage. I am posting a picture now that is the second hardest for me to share. Once before, I shared a picture of my back before surgery, that was definitely the hardest. However, I admit this one follows closely behind, as I am sadly a very self critical being. In attempts to overcome my qualms about my body as viewed by others, I offer up my self esteem by way of photograph.



So no covering my lumps and bumps or erasing my stretch marks, it's just the way I look and I want to love it as much as I love what I have inside. In order to do that, I have to be confident I am treating myself right and working hard, that's the only way I can be proud. With the acquisition of my new job came new habits. In order for me to drop my girls at school, shower, and be at work on time...I have to get up and head to the gym at 5:30 am. I do that 5 days a week and on the weekends I try to make it to yoga or run on my treadmill. Sometimes I feel discouraged, because I think after all that work I should be more fit. My silly thyroid is a pain and my back being fused is a hindrance, but when I stop and think about it, I feel pretty good inside about not letting those things deter me. I'm not crazy about my figure, but I think the more I attain happiness on my inside, the more I am driven to love the outside of me as well.

{ exposed + indulgent } ~ austin area photographer

Once upon a time, I woke up and for some reason took my own picture. That was last week. Today I decided that I would share my first thing in the morning photo.

You see, I have this mirror that I found at a garage sale years ago, I purchased it for like $5.00 or something ridiculous, and it's my favorite. As are most of my treasured things, it's old and I just gave it a little elbow grease and love...and now it graces my wall and it's literally the second thing I see, first being my iPhone alarm clock. So the story behind this includes me being unadorned, but I love the framing of my favorite mirror, and seeing the work of my hand, and how it makes this image have a timeless quality, like it might have been taken many years ago.

I never really go anywhere except the gym without fixing up a little. Sometimes the workers at my local HEB have to see me as I've rolled out of bed, but it's rare. Taking my own picture is often challenging enough when I have taken the time to get ready, but I think I take more real pictures when it's a spur of the moment thing as the case for this photo. As you might imagine, I'm a little stretched by showing such a raw image of myself, but I like rising to my inner challenge and saying "who cares" to my fears.



It occurred to me today that I come to my blog and post to indulge in my thoughts and really let them run wild and express what swims around in my head. There is much more that I should come on here and share. This is me being honest and as the picture above, totally fresh and exposed. Is it scary to come read such idiopathic posts? Often I feel guilty because my writing is such a release for me and I wonder if it's a healthy habit or a sick cosseting of my mind.

{ acquiescence + love } ~ austin area photographer

Last night I gave you the Cliff's Notes update of my life. Today my mind is full of deeper issues and I have little time to write as I am about to get my girls from school. I just want to share a small thought from my full heart.

I had lunch with a very good friend and as we parted I said "full belly, full heart." That's how I feel right now. I'm contemplative about some things. There have been hurtful words tossed my way and I admit I am reminding myself to not take anything personally. It's a difficult thing to live out, yet it is a truth I believe. My friend lifted my chin and reminded me that hurts come and go, good friends will always prove themselves to be so.



This image is somber and for me even a tiny bit dark. My mood is even and full of gratitude for those who embrace me and accept even my whining. Today my mood is a culmination of love, grief, sunshine, and rainbows on the horizon. The future holds a bright light as long as I accept that I can't change anything but my view. Love is the only way to live this out. I choose to love it out.

{ mexico + narcissism } ~ austin area photographer

For 52 weeks of BAM!.... Just got home from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico and I am reliving it through the pictures. Such an amazing and much needed trip. *ahhhhh*



So many stories and so much fun, but I just have to settle back into Austin life now...but believe me, Cabo came home with me!

{self portrait} ~ austin area photographer

Self Portrait time...

This is a combination of "Introductions" and "Seven Deadly Sins."

Introducing myself yet again, to perhaps any new readers or just to reintroduce myself to anyone whose been around a while. I'd like to thank you for even visiting, so kind of you!

I'm Amelia. I love my girls, photography, my job(s), music, living, reading, running, and noticing all the small things in life. I don't like lies or negativity. Mostly I'm just sort of plain, but sometimes I like to try and mix up fashion and have fun. Nice to meet you!




The sin is "sloth." I'm being super lazy today and this picture captured it, or at least I think it does... Just taking it easy in my bedroom, relaxing for my own portrait. Sounds a little cheesy now that I think about it and read what I just typed. Oh well, I suppose I do have a dose of cheese to me. ;)

{2009 spc recap} ~ austin area photographer

The theme is clever this month for SPC: Flashback of 2009. So I could choose any of the 12 themes from 2009, but it had to combine at least two. I'm certain that I could make an argument that I have used several of the themes, but I'm going to claim 2 and leave the rest open to interpretation. :)

My intention was to do a diptych and incorporate tiny words (because I was pretty sad that I didn't take part that month).



So there you have it, two glimpses at me side by side, each with a significance in my life somehow. The left side is a tattoo that few people know I have. I designed it about a year after Evelyn was born and it reminds me of a turning point in my life...that's why it has wings, it's when I learned that I could fly alone. The downfall to this little story is that I long for more and I have designs in my head that I envision having inked on my skin....addiction, it's an addiction. My resolve to not get tatted up is very strong though, all my tattoos have got to be deeply meaningful before I will consider really embellishing myself for life.

On the right, so silly, but to me something I can't escape... I have an obsession with my feet. I love for them to look nice, to wear nice shoes, basically they are a very pampered part of my body and I think maybe I go overboard taking time on them, however, it means something to me so I can't neglect them and de-value something that makes me happy. Besides, ugly, unkempt feet are gross.

leaps and bounds

I am beyond excited, beyond thrilled... really I am just super grateful and extremely giddy! I have finally turned some kind of corner! I feel so much better this week!!!

My pain has subsided and is more what I would call "discomfort." I am not pain free, but it's so tolerable that I am just pushing ahead with movement and exercises at physical therapy and home. Today I got in a pool, though I am not yet strong enough to swim, I could finally hold my girls and that felt wonderful, I've missed picking them up.



As evident by my picture, I can now move enough to lay on my stomach, which was a feat a couple weeks ago. Riding in cars is finally not like facing a gauntlet. I just feel like life is going to be okay again, I have a refreshed outlook and I think for the first time since my surgery, I might see that this was a good choice. :o)

I still have lots of swelling and a mysteriously gross pot belly to get rid of, but I'm working hard to tackle those as well.

Thank you all for the outpouring of love and prayers, they have meant so much to me and I know have aided in my making it through this, because there were days (you can ask my mom) I thought maybe I'd rather just die than keep dealing with the pain and the recovery. It's not over, but this week has been the best yet and I just have a great feeling that I will keep getting better and better and return to Austin and Anthro.... oh I just can't wait, I miss life!!!

maybe nerves, maybe not.

Maybe it's just nail polish. Whatever the reason, I can't seem to get paint to stay on my nails. This particular self given manicure was beautiful for about 8 hours. After that it just began to chip, mind you, I did use a high dollar top coat that promised in writing to be durable and last for up to (UP to...) 14 days! That "up to" part saves their rear end. Once the chipping starts, I can't help myself... I pick at it non stop.

This is week 2 of self portrait challenge in the month of May with a theme of "Diptych."



This was what I looked like on Monday. Tuesday I went to the doctor and he set my mind at ease so much more than it was. He says that I will have more motion that what I have built up in my mind and that I will recover more speedily than what I have been thinking. I'm excited... truly excited.

I had a good run this morning, and though I am sad that it will be my last for a while, I was grateful for the fact that I will always be able to get back into running... it gives me something to strive for and look forward to for sure.

Today I have a follow up maternity shoot, I can't wait! I will try to blog that tomorrow. Although, tomorrow is a FULL day! I have a pedicure (I can't wait, it's been ages since I have had a good pedicure!) at 9 am, then I am headed to Anthro to finish up some paperwork. I have to make a stop by Whole Foods and get my vitamins.. tomorrow could be emotional for me, I'm just not ready to leave Austin, even though it's not for long it feels like a long time.

As for this punchy song, it's "Kids" by MGMT. I just love the music, have no clue what it's about. LOL

Thank you all again for sending me off on this medical adventure with prayers and well wishes!



PS ~ Win a quilt from Lizzy Anne!!

it's beginning to look a lo... a little like christmas

Well perhaps the Barbie tank and lime green shorts don't really look like Christmas, but it is looking a bit more festive here in my abode. As a family this Saturday we pulled out the Christmas tree and decorations and started getting things ready for the holidays!



Masyn seems to believe that Summer is never ending, and dressed herself in shorts and a tank top.... I found that terribly endearing. I was shivering in pj pants and a long sleeve tee, but I do run a normal body temp of 94.5* so I guess maybe I am not the best weather gauge.



Evelyn was all grabby and rearing to go. Though she had some interesting ideas about where to place the fake snow tree skirt....



...over all she did quite well. However it is incumbent upon me to report that Mary and one shepherd are now missing from the nativity and Evelyn is prime suspect because she enjoys "creatively placing" all the Christmas decorations.



This year our tree is hosting ALL the ornaments.... not just the color coordinated ones. My OCD was in overdrive and I had a very freeing day by allowing the girls to use even the mismatching tree embellishments. My confession though, is that I have always preferred homemade ornaments. So now I am making a goal to create handmade ornaments for next years tree that will all be fun and festive, but still look good together (semi-matching). Yes, I am trying to live the cliche of "have my cake and eat it too."

Lastly, I am opening myself to ridicule, sympathy, homogeneity, or potential demise of my blog altogether. I am sharing a self portrait that includes my messy living room. At least it's a fun picture, I can take the heat (in all honesty, I'm so cold lately that all heat is welcome).



Don't you love Colbie Caillat singing "Mistletoe?" I love her music.